By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2024-12-13 00:50:19 | Updated at 2024-12-13 03:47:44
2 hours ago
MYSTIC, CT — Local churchgoer Clive Richmond, known for his habit of wearing a blue jacket, tall feathered hat, and yellow boots, must now switch to wearing just a boring old dress shirt and slacks to services after his "total killjoy of a wife" told him to stop dressing like Tom Bombadil every Sunday.
Clive, an established member at New Wine Community Church, said, "Now I see why Paul said it was better not to marry. Because then I could still dress like Tom Bombadil. It truly is better to live on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a wife who scorns Tom Bombadil."
Bernice Richmond, Clive's wife, has been firm about her stance that he should stop dressing as Tom Bombadil, even with church leaders trying to mediate. "It's so embarrassing," she said. "And he needs to stop calling me Goldberry. I am not a river-woman's daughter; my dad sells car insurance."
This marks the end of a remarkable three-year period in which Clive attended services dressed as the merry fellow from Tolkien's literary work The Lord of the Rings. Clive previously said dressing as Tom Bombadil was the only way he knew how to show the proper respect and reverence to the Lord, but Bernice refused to hear any argument on the matter.
"He's a merry fellow!" Clive reportedly pleaded in a last-ditch effort to maintain the style. "Bright blue his jacket is and his boots are yellow!" But she wouldn't listen.
"His boots are yellow!"
At publishing time, Bernice Richmond changed her mind after Clive began going to church dressed as a Gollum.
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