By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-01-20 22:15:18 | Updated at 2025-01-21 01:39:12
3 hours ago
Brought to you by: Unbound
Donald Trump is back in the White House, and he's bringing sweeping changes to every corner of the country. As part of his quest to usher in an American Golden Age, he has specific plans in store for the education system.
The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of bold, based changes Trump is making to education:
January 6 will be a school holiday: To observe the best and worst day in American history.
All public school teachers will be required to come to work at least two days per week: A vast improvement over the previous minimum requirement.
Pluto will be recognized as a planet again: Make the Solar System Complete Again.
Giant trebuchets will be installed on college campuses to dispose of Marxist professors: Extra government funding will be provided to the school that launches them the farthest.
All maps showing "Gulf of Mexico" will be confiscated and burned: False propaganda will not be tolerated.
Any teacher who attempts to use Common Core math will be beaten with sticks: Students will calculate the number of blows the normal, American way.
Home Economics will be a females-only class: The curriculum will consist of vacuuming and sandwich-making. That's all.
All answers for math test problems will be 45 or 47: The last few years have proven that the number 46 is never, ever the answer.
Dodgeball will be a mandatory part of every gym class: Extra credit for headshots on nerds.
School lunches will be Big Macs and Diet Coke: Every day. This is the way.
It's a brand new America and a brand new education system. Let the Golden Age begin! What else should Trump change in schools? Sound off in the comments below.
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