10 Biblical Disasters That Were Probably Caused By DEI

By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-01-31 22:15:22 | Updated at 2025-02-01 00:50:38 2 hours ago

Did you know that almost everything bad that ever happened in the Bible was likely caused by DEI? That's right. The wonton destruction of forced diversity goes back millennia.

The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of biblical disasters that were the result of DEI:

Eve's original sin: Many Biblical historians believe things were run much better in the Garden of Eden before there were two genders.
The Tower of Babel: The tower likely fell due to DEI policies that prioritized the hiring of unskilled builders who turned out to not even speak the language.
The Flood: We're not exactly sure how this connects but we're certain DEI was somehow involved.
David & Goliath: It's now believed that Golilath was hired as part of a plus-sized Philistine representation program.
Destruction of Sodom & Gomorrah: The DEI-hire meteorologist in Sodom reportedly predicted a 0% chance of sulfur and brimstone that night.
The 10 Egyptian Plagues: These catastrophic events seemed to disproportionately target the Egyptians.
The Walls of Jericho: Yes, the Lord was the one who brought down the walls, but there's a good chance shoddy workmanship from underqualified masons made it easier.
The Fiery Furnace: Evidence seems to indicate Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego may have suffered from disabilities and couldn't have bowed down to a statue even if they wanted to.
The Parable of the Ten Virgins: Historians suspect the five unprepared virgins had gotten into lamp-lighting college on a minority scholarship.
Roman soldiers who totally failed to guard the tomb: Historians believe the Roman Soldiers were females hired as part of a diversity program and were probably chatting with each other when the Angel rolled away the stone.

Like everything else, the Bible looks a lot different when viewed through the lens of diversity, equity, and inclusion. Do you know of other biblical examples of potential DEI-related events are there? Post them in the comments.