10 Reasons You Can Totally Trust The Government With Your Money

By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2024-10-21 20:15:48 | Updated at 2024-10-22 00:11:17 3 hours ago

Brought to you by:

Everyone knows there's no more efficient organization than the United States government. Everything they touch flourishes and succeeds.

Here are ten totally sensible reasons why you should completely trust the government with your hard-earned cash.

The government always makes super sound financial decisions: The United States government has never wasted a single dollar, ever.
If they lose it, they can always print more: Problem solved. There are no consequences to printing money.
They're so great at keeping track of things, like crime statistics: You can definitely trust that they'll be great at keeping track of all the money you send them.
Nancy Pelosi has a hot stock tip and she wants your money so she can invest it wisely: What are you gonna do? Just let her suffer?
You can totally trust them with your kids: So why not with your money?
If you kept it for yourself you would spend it on groceries, gas, and rent: What a waste.
They'll use it for useful things like making coronaviruses, investing in foreign wars, funding sex changes for illegal immigrants, and investing in foreign wars: Oh wait we already said that one.
The Democrats have made it very clear we all have to pay our fair share: Don't be selfish, comrade!
Just look at Chuck Schumer. Would a guy with a face like that ever lie to you?: What a kind and trustworthy face.
Because if you don't give the government your money you go straight to jail: Probably the best reason of all.

NOT SATIRE: Kamala's Plan: Executive Order 14067 — Because Your Wallet Needs a Chaperone!

We know what you're thinking — "This has to be satire, right?"

We wish it were. Unfortunately, this is one of those terrifyingly real stories that even we couldn't make up. Executive Order 14067 is here, and it's set to yank the dollar right out from under your wallet.

Top Democrats and the Fed are giddy with excitement as they roll out their latest masterpiece: a controllable, traceable, programmable digital currency to replace the dollar. This isn't just a digital upgrade — it's a complete power grab that gives them full control to:

· Legally snoop on how you spend every penny…

· Commandeer your bank account like it's their own personal piggy bank…

· Muzzle political opponents with the swipe of a keyboard...

The first phase, called FedNOW, launched on July 20, 2023, and it's already tracking payments. Every American and business is now a step closer to losing their financial freedom.

But don't worry, there's still time to shield your money from this government overreach. Get your free Wealth Defense Guide and learn the three strategies to defend yourself before they control your money tomorrow.

Click Here to Get Your Free Wealth Defense Guide NOW >>