By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-08-10 18:55:24 | Updated at 2026-08-10 20:02:25
1 hour ago
PLAINVIEW, TX — Local 40-year-old man Ben Gantry admitted that he had spent the past three decades chasing the high he first felt while seeing the cards bounce around the computer screen after winning a game of solitaire.
His head buried in his hands, surrounded by the trappings of his reckless adventures, Gantry admitted that nothing seemed to bring that same joy of watching each stack of cards sequentially ricochet off the virtual floor.
"I've tried everything," Gantry said, staring blankly at a pile of casino chips and empty whiskey bottles. "No matter what I do, nothing comes close to watching that first king card bounce across a Windows 95 screen. You never quite knew which direction they'd go, you know? And it wasn't, like, so fast. They took their time springing out of view. It was this lasting, rich sense of fulfillment. In comparison, everything else feels so vacuous and shallow."
Friends said Gantry spent his teenage years desperately trying to recreate the rush, engaging in increasingly risky activities. "It was never enough," said childhood friend Kyle Peterson. "He'd win $500 at blackjack and just sit there looking disappointed. He tried bungee jumping, but said that bouncing under the bridge only reminded him of the cards. I wish I knew how to help."
At publishing time, Gantry had been seen in a back alley talking to an old computer repairman, scratching his arms and asking if he "had any of that Windows 95."
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