By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2024-11-01 19:05:23 | Updated at 2024-11-01 21:35:09
2 hours ago
ROGERS, AR — Nearing the end of what has been a whirlwind election season, one candidate in a race won over what could potentially be the deciding vote, as a 453rd election mailer changed a local man's mind.
Norm Cross had remained staunchly on the fence about the race for a vacant seat on the City Council, unable to decide between Linda Breckenridge and Pat Dorton. Fate swung in Dorton's favor, however, as the 453rd flyer sent to Cross's house sealed the deal.
"This one really convinced me," Cross said. "I wasn't sure who to pick, and the first 452 mailers didn't make the choice any easier. But this 453rd mailer… yeah… it suddenly became so clear. You've got my vote, Pat Dorton."
When asked for comment, Dorton said he was confident his campaign's persistence would pay off. "I'll bury a human being in election mailers if that's what it takes," he said. "Sometimes the first few hundred fliers just don't get your point across well enough, so you end up needing to dump several hundred more into each voter's mailbox. Sooner or later, they'll give in. That's what running for public office is all about — gradually driving people so crazy that they'll vote for you just to make you stop bothering them."
At publishing time, with Norm Cross's vote now in the bag, Dorton's staff had reportedly turned its attention to his obstinate next-door neighbor Gilda Chambers, who had not yet decided who she would vote for despite receiving all 453 mailers.
BIG NEWS: We made a movie, and you can watch the trailer NOW:
Click here to find out how you can watch the movie when it releases on October 11
