By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-03-20 18:55:25 | Updated at 2025-03-21 09:24:46
14 hours ago
Over the last several weeks, unelected federal judges have struck repeated blows against the Trump administration with rulings designed to stop his agenda.
The Babylon Bee has put together the following list of some of the new rulings recently handed down by federal judges:
"Gulf of America must be changed back to Gulf of Mexico": As it has been called from time immemorial.
"Owning a Tesla is unconstitutional": Burning a Tesla, on the other hand, is protected free speech.
"Tim Walz is straight": This overturned a lower court decision that had declared Walz really, really gay.
"Trump is not allowed to move his head during the next assassination attempt": Any attempts to evade death are unauthorized and therefore unconstitutional.
"Israel must return all hostages to Gaza": They were kidnapped fair and square.
"I hereby order Danny Miller from my fourth-grade class to apologize for calling me a 'wiener' in 1974": You had better say you're sorry, Danny.
"DOGE must restore inefficiencies to all government agencies": Every department of the federal government has the right to egregiously waste taxpayer dollars.
"Jesus must uncrush the head of the serpent": A judge ruled in favor of sin and death that their destruction was unlawful and therefore null and void.
Wow. These rulings look extremely official and unassailable. What ruling do you think we'll see next? Let us know in the comments.
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