By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-08-21 20:30:13 | Updated at 2026-08-21 21:02:48
34 minutes ago
There are a lot of religions out there, but only one can be the religion of peace. How can you be sure you're on the right path?
Here are 9 signs you belong to the true religion of peace:
You always proclaim "God is great" before stabbing someone: No one else is that committed to peace.
Everyone, regardless of creed, is invited to your 9/11 party: Peaceful AND inclusive.
You always give people a chance to convert before killing them: Incredibly thoughtful.
The guy who started your religion only executed 700 people or so: Hard to get more nonviolent than that.
You run to your underground bunker every time you hear thunder: Force of habit.
Many of your favorite phrases begin with "Death to ____": It's an exciting way to start a sentence.
You have a hard time not steering your vehicle into a crowd of pedestrians: So tempting.
You never miss an episode of The Tucker Carlson Show: That guy really speaks your language.
The people who say you aren't the religion of peace have been murdered: All doubts erased.
Sounds like an amazing belief system. What other clues can you think of? Post them in the comments below.
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