By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2024-11-21 21:45:18 | Updated at 2024-11-22 02:10:28
4 hours ago
ATHENS, GA — Justice was finally served in the wake of an unspeakable tragedy, as after an illegal immigrant was found guilty of murdering an American citizen, Democrats sentenced him to only being allowed to fly coach from now on.
The punishment was said to have come as a painful blow to the illegal alien, who had reportedly grown accustomed to flying first class and living a comfortable lifestyle at the expense of American taxpayers.
"He can still stay here and get free stuff, but no more first class," Democratic Party spokesperson Shanae Bradford said in a statement to the press after the verdict. "When you come into this country illegally and ruthlessly murder a young American woman in cold blood, you forfeit your right to travel like a VIP. He is hereby sentenced to flying coach like most Americans."
When reached for comment, the convicted murderer wept over the severity of his sentence. "This isn't fair," he said. "Yes, I viciously took the life of an innocent young woman, but now I'm expected to fly coach? I thought the punishment was supposed to fit the crime. This is cruel and unusual punishment. Next, you'll tell me that my taxpayer-funded pre-paid credit card will have all of its funds taken away and I'll have to move out of my four-star hotel accommodations. What a sick world this is."
At publishing time, Democrats warned all other illegal immigrants that any further murdering of Americans could potentially result in losing their access to free healthcare and education.
DOGE is here, and Elon and Vivek will eliminate millions of government positions
Here are the top 10 most useless positions that they'll target
