After my mother died, I'm spending Christmas alone by choice. Here's why I love it

Alyssa Lauren, 26, from Los Angeles was too sad to spend last Christmas with other people. Her mother had just died and Alyssa preferred to reflect alone. Yet this year, it’s very different, she says: she’ll be all on her own yet again – but entirely by choice! Here’s why…

My mom passed away unexpectedly a week before my 25th birthday in September 2023.

I had gone to visit her at home in Inland Empire, California, with my then-boyfriend and as she stood up to pack some leftovers for me, she just collapsed. It was a stroke.

We rushed her to hospital and she had surgery, but she was already brain-dead. She was only 54.

I’m not in contact with my father, so my mom was the only family I had. For most of my life we had celebrated small but warm Christmases with her friends. When she died, everything changed.

That first Christmas after her death, my friends invited me to join their families, but I knew how sad I would be. I didn’t want to bring that negativity into their homes. 

So, I stayed by myself and tried to remain positive by doing small festive things: On Christmas Eve, I decided to get my favorite meal, a seafood boil, for example.

The day itself was hard. Yet this year, although people find it strange, I've decided to spend Christmas alone again – and I'm actually looking forward to it.

I’d always been the type of person who hated being by myself; now I want to prove that I can do it – and that it will teach me how to truly appreciate family moments of togetherness in the future.

I know my mom would still want me to celebrate, because although life looks a little different now, I have so much to be grateful for. So I've planned a special day, just for me.

To help me feel festive I went to Target, like my mom and I used to do - we had a private tradition of going and fighting back and forth over what color ornaments we should have - and then set up a little tree in my room with a few decorations.

And to keep me busy, I have some Christmas movies lined up. I love journaling, and then I'll write some letters to my friends and hand them over on New Year's Eve for good luck.

I won't make a Christmas dinner, but I have a plan to honor my mom. I'm Filipino, but I grew up in a part of California where many of my neighbors are Mexicans. So, my mom would always cook pozole, a meat stew with shredded vegetables. I'm going to make it this year.

I will also start a new Christmas tradition - writing a letter to my future children. I will tell them: I know you're not here yet, but I just want you to know that the thought of you is already filling a gap in my heart.

So, if you're alone on Christmas like me, do something that you love and be appreciative of what you have in front of you.

Don't allow one bad event in your life overshadow all the goodness.