Although he’s no longer alive, my dad’s lessons still inspire me this Father’s Day

Six years ago, I published my book “The Inside Ride: A Journey Into Manhood,” which told the story of the extraordinary bond I shared with my father, Max. For nearly 30 years, the two of us — both practicing therapists — exchanged hundreds of handwritten letters. In them we laid bare our disagreements and dreams, our views on politics and passion, family and friendship, vulnerability and manhood. 

What began as a deliberate effort to cross the emotional distance so many fathers and sons never bridge became the deepest lifeline of my life.

My father passed in 2011, but the conversation never really stopped.

I have tried to walk in his footsteps the best I know how — raising my own children, Jared and Emily, and discovering firsthand the joys, fears, exhaustion and profound beauty of fatherhood that he spent years preparing me for. Now Jared and Emily are raising families of their own, navigating the same sacred struggles, exhilarating triumphs,and quiet heartaches. 

The circle keeps turning.

Being a father is daunting and exhilarating, exasperating and euphoric — often all at once. It is the most humbling, terrifying, and rewarding thing I’ve ever done. 

I wouldn’t trade a single moment of it.

On this Father’s Day, as I approach my 75th birthday, I find myself reaching across the veil once more. What follows is my latest letter to my dad in heaven — a continuation of a conversation that refuses to end. It is a testament to love that outlives the body, to lessons that echo through generations, and to the healing power of vulnerability between men.

Dear Dad,

I awoke before first light this morning, my chest tight with longing for you as Father’s Day draws near and my seventy-fifth year approaches.

I had only just returned from the mist-shrouded mountains of Rwanda with your grandson and his beautiful family. There, deep in that ancient wilderness, he guided me to the place where his soul first caught fire — a living legacy born from journeys you and I once helped set in motion when he was still a boy.

Your granddaughter stands fierce on the frontlines of human rights, a passionate warrior for justice. Your grandson moves with grace and wisdom through the world’s most complex corridors of conflict and hope. Both are flourishing, and watching over them are five luminous great-grandchildren, each one blooming in their own light.

Nothing stirs my soul more than watching my children wrestle with the same sacred, exhausting, and beautiful struggles of parenthood that I once brought to you. It feels like only yesterday we exchanged our final letters. Today, the ache to speak with you again burns hotter than ever.

As a family therapist, I have carried the memory of our letters like a lantern into the lives of countless fathers and sons. I encourage them to find the courage to reflect, to heal, and to build connections that time cannot erase. In an age when so many men still struggle to speak their hearts, this feels more urgent than ever.

In Rwanda, we trekked through emerald forests to stand among the mighty gorillas — a dream you carried quietly in your heart. I felt your spirit beside me with every step. It was full circle, just as you once took me to Israel, hoping to show me the ancient roots from which I sprang. In my rebellious youth, I could not fully receive that gift. Now, with your grandchildren in their forties and me nearing seventy-five, we stand together in a gentler season — ready at last to embrace our shared legacy.

Dad, as I wrote to you long ago — “Hello Father” — I whisper it once more across the heavens: Hello.

Like Lou Gehrig at Yankee Stadium, I stand with a full and humbled heart and say: I am the luckiest man on the face of the earth. 

Because what was meant for me was you. 

The love and lessons you poured into my life, I have faithfully passed down. Your great-grandchildren now carry that sacred flame forward. The golden chain remains unbroken, glowing brighter with every generation.

I thank the heavens we chose to write those letters. They became our eternal bridge — a testament to what it means to love fiercely, speak vulnerably, and never take for granted the souls who shape us most. Vulnerability is not weakness. It is the bravest path to the deepest connection.

Though I know you have no FaceTime in paradise, I still see your face. I still feel your love watching over us. On this Father’s Day, know this, Dad: You gave us a legacy more beautiful and enduring than words can fully capture.

Thank you for the love. 

Thank you for the lessons. 

Thank you for being my father.

With a heart forever yours,

Donald

Donald Cohen is a family therapist and the author of The Inside Ride: A Journey to Manhood.