By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-01-07 19:45:21 | Updated at 2025-01-08 17:10:26
21 hours ago
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a rare televised address from the Oval Office, President Biden warned the American public of an imminent terrorist threat as a result of his releasing eleven terrorists from prison.
"My fellow Americans, it is my duty to warn you of an imminent terrorist threat that may irreversibly alter the American way of life," Biden began. "Today, I authorized the release of eleven terrorists from Guantanamo Bay, and now, believe it or not, they are threatening death to America. No, I'm serious. Not a joke."
The eleven terrorists, some of which worked directly with al-Qaeda and Osama bin Laden, were released into the custody of Oman, a nation that borders Yemen and Saudi Arabia. Biden confirmed he had already spoken with Sultan Haitham bin Tariq of Oman and been informed there were "no takebacks."
Biden concluded his speech with a rallying cry of optimism that this at least gets them closer to closing Gitmo. "We just have to release a few more terrorists and we'll get there," he said. "God bless America and God bless our troops. They'll need it since they have to keep fighting terrorists."
Republicans blasted the president for his deadly blunder, but have rejected calls for impeachment as premature. "I mean, it's stupid," said House Speaker Mike Johnson. "But being stupid isn't a crime. If it was we'd all be in trouble."
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