By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-03-20 16:55:23 | Updated at 2025-03-21 08:02:25
15 hours ago
U.S. — According to sources, the final unredacted release of the CIA's JFK Files contains no incriminating information, definitively proving that the CIA destroyed all their incriminating JFK Files.
"It's the only thing that makes sense," JFK assassination research enthusiast Edward Dunbar posted on X. "We finally get the files after all these years and there's nothing in them. That can only mean they destroyed that one file that said 'We did it' years ago!"
Film director Oliver Stone, who played a major role in popularizing JFK assassination conspiracies, finally feels vindicated. "At long last, these files prove once and for all that the CIA clearly destroyed all the files that said they did it."
The first public challenge to the official story of the JFK assassination as documented by the Warren Commission was brought to trial in 1969 by District Attorney Jim Garrison who charged New Orleans businessman Clay Shaw of conspiring to murder Kennedy. His case fell apart due to a lack of cooperation from both the FBI and CIA, which we now know is a result of all incriminating files having been destroyed.
Chief Archivist ----- ------, a CIA employee since ----, is reportedly hurt by the accusation that any files were destroyed, even though there is definitive proof that the files were destroyed. "I don't -- -------. How ----- --- ----- is ----- in the ---," she said. (Editor's Note: The CIA asked us to redact the identity and comment of the Chief Archivist)
At publishing time, top men at the CIA had reportedly ordered a change in policy, advising all agents to stop destroying files because doing so just makes them look really suspicious.
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