By Daily Mail (U.S.) | Created at 2024-11-24 12:46:52 | Updated at 2024-11-24 16:07:53
4 hours ago
Dear Jane,
My boyfriend and I are both in our late 20s and we've been together for more than three years.
Over the past few months, I've had a feeling that he might propose soon although I didn't know for certain.
His family lives in Florida and we planned a quick trip to visit them for his mom's 60th birthday celebration last week.
But on the last day of our trip, my boyfriend insisted we spend the day at Disney World in Orlando, just the two of us.
I have to say, I found this bizarre. I am not a huge fan of theme parks and had no idea that he was either. But I went along with the excursion nonetheless and was happy to stroll around the resort, eat some junk food and go on a few rides.
However, as the sun was setting, my boyfriend did the unthinkable. And, as we stood in the shadow of Cinderella's Castle, he got down on one knee... and proposed!
Dear Jane: My boyfriend proposed in the worst place imaginable
I was utterly humiliated. People around us began to clap and cheer. Some were even was taking pictures and videoing us.
I immediately tried to drag him up off the floor so we could flee from the public humiliation, but he joked that he wasn't budging until he got an answer.
So... I said no.
We left the park immediately and drove back to his family home in silence. As you can imagine, things have been awkward since.
I love my boyfriend so much, but I am questioning everything now.
He chose to propose to me in a place that is not only humiliating but has no significance to either of us or our relationship.
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' most burning issues in her agony aunt column
What do I do?
From,
Disney Disaster
Dear Disney Disaster,
We are all human and doing the best we can. Even so, we still make mistakes.
When people we love mess up, rather than hold it against them, it is best to find the grace to forgive them. It's important to remember that their intention was always good, even if the end result was not what we wanted.
The fact is, your boyfriend loves you and was trying to find a memorable way to propose.
It wasn't what you had in mind, nor did the setting hold any special significance, but this is not something I would hold against him.
In fact, if you can find it in yourself to forgive him, this could be something you will laugh about together for many years to come.
He was doing the best he could and you should try to focus on the fact that he loves you enough to propose in a public place, which is a very courageous thing to do, irrespective of where he did it.
I have to imagine that, as humiliated as you were, he was equally humiliated by your trying to drag him away and then saying no.
A proposal takes just a few minutes and matters far less than a marriage, which is (hopefully) for a lifetime.
By all means, tell your boyfriend why you were upset. But, frankly, this is eminently forgivable and certainly should not color how you move forward.
Dear Jane
I'm 47 and recently separated from my wife of 15 years for many reasons, one of which was a lack of sex.
I'd say I have a healthy appetite for sex and now that I've met a new lady, the sex is good.
But on one occasion, during our pillow talk, she told me that, for many years, she had sex with her ex twice a day on average.
Maybe I'm a little naive, but that blew me away. We have sex around twice a week, which I thought was a good amount.
Now I'm worried that she isn't as sexually attracted to me as she was to her former partner. Perhaps I'm not enough for her.
JANE'S SUNDAY SERVICE
It is human nature to compare ourselves and our relationships to others, but there is never a right or wrong way to do things.
Looking to others can serve as something of a guide, but ultimately it is up to us and our partners to find the way forward that works best for our relationship.
True, she has been through the menopause since ending her past relationship. Might that help explain why she is no longer so sexually active?
What do you think – is twice a week normal?
From,
Bruised Masculinity
Dear Bruised Masculinity,
It might be a good idea for you to read about menopause and how it affects a woman's libido. If your girlfriend is up for sex twice a week post-menopause, I'd say you're in a great position.
Women's estrogen levels decrease during menopause, and over a third of women experience changes in their desire for sex, as well as their ability to enjoy it.
Vaginal dryness, pain, bladder issues, and simply not wanting sex anymore can all cause problems in the bedroom for couples.
Your relationship is new, and sexual appetites are always greater at the beginning, regardless of age.
It may be that, as the relationship progresses, you find that your twice a week rolls in the hay may lessen. That would be very normal!
At the end of the day, what matters most is that you both feel satisfied.
The dynamic your girlfriend had with her ex is bound to be different than the connection you two share.
However vibrant their sex life may have been, please remember that it wasn't enough to keep them together.
There is an expression that says compare is despair. Comparing your bedroom antics to her former sex life is only going to lead to upset.
She is with you, and sex twice a week after menopause is something to be applauded, and is certainly nothing to worry about.
