By Daily Mail (U.S.) | Created at 2024-11-20 12:53:17 | Updated at 2024-11-27 03:50:43
6 days ago
Dear Jane,
My husband and I have been married for 15 years. We are both in our 40s.
We have been through so much together, raising four children, and our relationship has only grown stronger with time.
However, my husband has recently developed an extremely annoying habit in the bedroom.
About two months ago, he began snoring. At first, it was a few times a week, but now it is every single night.
It's unbearable. Not only is his snoring ridiculously loud — to the extent that I get woken up by the noise — but his whole body seems to vibrate, making it impossible for me to rest. The bed is literally shaking.
Having done some research online, I understand that it's normal to start snoring more as you age. Apparently, there are remedies.
I've suggested to my husband that he try mouth tape or a chin strap but he has flatly refused. He claims to be worried that such measures would 'ruin his sleep'.
Dear Jane: My husband's extreme bedroom problem is ruining my life.
I work a 9-5 job and have to rally our four children to school and activities every single weekday, and right now I'm doing so on hardly any sleep.
Meanwhile, my snoring husband sleeps like a baby.
His bedroom problem is ruining my life and I don't know what to do.
From,
Snore Off
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' most burning issues in her agony aunt column
Dear Snore Off,
When we love someone, it's easy to imagine that we will always do whatever it takes to put that person's needs before our own.
This is, of course, wildly unrealistic.
While we can all be wonderful at our best; at our worst, we can be utterly selfish and think of nobody other than ourselves.
In this case, your husband is being extremely selfish.
The bottom line is that his snoring needs to be resolved — and, as you point out, there are interventions that can work.
If his snoring is as bad as you say, it is entirely possible that he is suffering from sleep apnea.
You may think he's sleeping like a baby, but in fact the snoring could be cutting off his breathing, making him more tired and irritable in the day time without even realizing it (which could be contributing to his unwillingness to trial some remedies).
He needs to see a doctor for an examination. If there is no physical explanation for the snoring, the doctor will likely recommend a sleep study.
Regardless of the underlying causes of your husband's snoring, marriage is about compromise. And because your husband has, thus far, refused to make small compromises for you, you now need to be crystal clear about your needs and set boundaries.
As hard as it may be to hold firm, if he continues with this selfish behavior, you should no longer allow him to sleep in the bedroom with you.
If you have another bedroom, he can sleep there. If you don't, he will have to move to the sofa.
He may be furious at first, but when the choice is a sofa, a spare room or fixing a problem that is impacting you so negatively, I'd hope that he does the right thing.
