DEAR JANE: My husband's Taylor Swift cuckolding kink is out of control. Do other women have similar problems?

Dear Jane,

I have always been very open to trying out adventurous things in the bedroom, but I fear my husband's most recent obsession is taking it too far.

You see, we've been married for almost a year and our sex life is far from boring. 

We do roleplay and use toys all the time. But a few weeks ago, my husband suggested we ramp it up and introduce something new.

That 'something new' turned out to be a threesome, and the third person was to be another girl.

I'm bisexual and hooked up with/dated multiple women before I met my husband. He says he has always found that to be a turn-on, so I wasn't shocked to hear him suggest a threesome with another girl.

What I didn't expect was this: he said he want to imagine that the other girl is Taylor Swift.

It left me speechless. For one thing, I didn't know my husband even knew who Taylor Swift was - he doesn't even listen to her music (I, on the other hand, am a big fan, which makes this all the more complicated).

Not wanting to disappoint him, I agreed. I made a profile on a few dating apps and set my preference to girls only. 

My husband and I now swipe through together and decide which girls we are both attracted to. When I match with one, and after sending a few friendly messages, I propose the threesome. Every girl has declined (some not-so-politely)... Until now. 

Yesterday, I received a message from one of my matches saying she was down to be part of the threesome, and I immediately got a pang of anxiety. I told my husband and he was so excited. 

When I showed him which girl it was, he said she was 'perfect,' which left me feeling even more anxious. 

Now that the situation is becoming real, I'm not sure if I want to go through with the Taylor Swift-themed threesome — but I don't want to deny my husband his sexual fantasy.

Should I try and force a positive attitude and do it, or tell him I can't handle it and crush his dreams?

From,

Sexy Swiftie

Dear Sexy Swiftie,

I'm a little confused here. You say you have no problem with a threesome, but you do have a problem with your husband's fantasy being Taylor Swift? 

Reading through your letter a few times, it seems that Taylor Swift is not actually the issue, the threesome is.

Just because you're bisexual does not mean you're automatically up for introducing another women into your relationship. 

Making the decision to bring someone else in to your sex life is something that has to be considered very carefully. 

Whilst there is a current trend for ENM (ethical non-monogamy), it is not something to be taken lightly. Both partners have to be willing, and on the same page.

You say that you have agreed to a threesome because you don't want to disappoint your husband. This is not a good reason to agree to anything!

If you had said yes to a threesome because it's something that turns you on, that would be a different story entirely. 

It sounds to me like you're people-pleasing — saying yes to things because you are too frightened to say no, which can only lead to resentment. 

I want you to ask yourself whether you actually want to bring another woman into your marriage. Forget about what your husband wants. If the answer is no, then you simply do not have to.

And if your husband can't accept your decision, you must think very carefully about your marriage and whether you want to remain with someone who is trying to force you to do something you do not want to do. 

Compromise is always necessary in relationships, but that does not mean you have to engage in sexual fantasies you're not up for just to please your partner.

I strongly advise marriage counseling, and wish you much luck.