By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-03-19 20:05:26 | Updated at 2025-03-20 15:13:40
19 hours ago
TALLAHASSEE, FL — After a pod of dolphins arrived to greet the returning NASA astronauts brought home by SpaceX, outraged Democrats began protesting the dolphins' actions by spray-painting swastikas on them and setting them afire.
Democratic leaders and their voting base, infuriated by the aggressive act of the dolphins inquisitively swimming around the capsule after it splashed down off Florida's coast, vowed to make sure they were all identified for that they are — Nazis.
"We now know where these extremist MAGA dolphins' loyalty lies," said Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer. "This disgusting grandstanding with Donald Trump must be stopped. These astronauts have been safe and well cared for in space since last summer. There was no need to recklessly bring them home to see their families. And to top it off, they were greeted by dolphins who have clearly aligned themselves with Trump and his ‘MAGA' voters. We thought dolphins were our friends. We do so no longer, and advise true Americans to show their protest accordingly."
Witnesses along the Florida coast reported seeing a dolphin that had been set on fire leaping above the surface of the water with a swastika and the words "DIE NAZI" freshly painted on its side. "I'm no marine biologist, but I don't think they normally have those markings," said one witness. "There was a group of protesters wandering around earlier asking where the ‘fascist dolphins' are. I guess they found them."
At publishing time, congressional Democrats revealed that they had uncovered shocking video footage of MAGA hat-wearing dolphins being present at the U.S. Capitol on January 6.
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