By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-08-05 15:55:18 | Updated at 2026-08-05 16:48:45
54 minutes ago
DETROIT, MI — Following the controversial candidate's primary win in last night's Michigan Senate primary, joyous Democrats celebrated Abdul Al-Sayed's victory by firing AK-47s into the air.
The primary win, which now sends radical Muslim Al-Sayed on to the general election in November, kicked off a raucous reaction among Michigan Democrats, as they engaged in the traditional celebration of unloading with automatic gunfire.
"AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!" shouted members of the crowd after Al-Sayed's victory was officially confirmed. "Now the Great Satan shall be thrown down, and the streets of America will soon run red with the blood of infidels!"
In addition to firing their AK-47s into the air, supporters were also seen burning the American and Israeli flags and slapping images of President Donald Trump with their shoes. Though the mob was reportedly unable to find any infidels to behead, that did not diminish their enthusiasm. "Globalize the intifada!" and "Death to America!" were also heard repeatedly among the patriotic American crowd. Fellow Islamic extremist Rashida Tlaib approved.
"Inshallah," she said. "The new caliphate begins in Michigan! We will continue to rise and gain power until we crush America and Israel under our feet and enslave their women. Allahu akbar!"
At publishing time, Al-Sayed had reportedly celebrated his advancement in the primary by hijacking a passenger plane on the tarmac of Detroit Metropolitan Airport.
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