By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-08-06 15:50:20 | Updated at 2026-08-06 19:26:31
3 hours ago
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Due to a reportedly depleted supply of ballistic missiles following months of bombardment, military officials confirmed this week that "Operation Epic Fury" had officially been downgraded to "Operation Mildly Aggressive Fury."
According to Department of War sources, the initial phase of Operation Epic Fury was an overwhelming success, but after months of heavy engagement, U.S. weapons stockpiles were showing shortages, leading to a downgrading in the epicness of the fury.
"Our fury is slightly less epic at this point," explained Secretary of War Pete Hegseth. "This military action has stretched on longer than we initially anticipated and depleted our available arsenal of ballistic missiles and interceptors. With that in mind, the operation is now only mildly aggressive."
Insider reports indicated that President Donald Trump was displeased with the decrease in epicness of the fury, leading to a closed-door meeting with Hegseth to strategize future levels of fury.
"Epic Fury was a great name… the best name, really," the President told the press. "But now, having used up most of our missiles, our fury just isn't quite as epic anymore. It's sad. Only mildly aggressive. That's what they tell me we can do now. We'll keep negotiating. If Iran doesn't shape up, our fury will become far more epic than it ever was before. They don't want to see how epic the fury will be, believe me."
At publishing time, military commanders expressed confidence in the new operation name, noting that if the current plans fail, they were prepared to further scale it down to "Operation Firm Disapproval."
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