By Daily Mail (U.S.) | Created at 2025-01-07 18:50:34 | Updated at 2025-01-12 23:23:05
5 days ago
It can be difficult to tell a friend they can't stay at your home - but is there a way to politely refuse to host someone without burning bridges?
Content creator Navera shared a TikTok where she addressed an interesting etiquette question that was posed in a newsletter about hosting vacationers in a small apartment.
Someone asked, 'I live in NYC and my friends and family are always asking to stay with me. What's a polite way to get the message across that my apartment isn't a free hotel?'
In the video, Navera explained when she first moved to New York, she had friends coming out of the woodwork who wanted to stay with her and then she'd never hear from them again.
'Here's what I wish I knew how to articulate back in the day, which would have saved me a lot of hassle.
'I'm not able to host anyone right now but I'm so excited you're visiting New York. While you're here, let me know what would be a good time to go get dinner, coffee, a drink, a walk - whatever you prefer.'
Navera explained that many of those people would probably not even be interested in spending time together if they weren't getting free accommodations.
To find out if it's appropriate to simply say no to potential visitors, FEMAIL reached out to an etiquette expert.
Content creator Navera shared a TikTok where she talked about an interesting etiquette question that was posed in a newsletter about hosting vacationers in a small apartment
People quickly rushed to the comments to share their own frustrations with uninvited house guests
'I used to be so afraid of upsetting people by not letting them stay with me, telling people no,' Navera said.
The New Yorker explained that she would make up excuses like work being busy or health problems.
People quickly rushed to the comments to share their own frustrations with uninvited house guests.
'This happened to me once and I said "I won't be able to do that, but if you get an Airbnb I can tell you if it's in a good area or not." Cue radio silence,' one person complained.
Others shared stories about guests staying with them but then not spending anytime together.
'I hosted someone once and they planned their entire trip around their plans and not a single invite to hang out with me,' a commenter shared.
Others explained that many times, people in major cities known for their small apartments simply don't have room to host, especially if they live in a studio.
'I think people also don't understand that staying in someone's NYC apartment is very close quarters. It's an air mattress in the living room and sharing a bathroom, not a guest room situation,' one wrote.
Commenters explained that many times, people in major cities known for their small apartments simply don't have room to host, especially if they live in a studio (stock image)
Etiquette Expert Nick Leighton, who hosts the Were you raised by wolves? podcast, told FEMAIL, 'My favorite phrase is, "Unfortunately, it's not possible"'
People shared their own advice, including what they say to potential guests, including, 'I live in a studio and it's not built for more than one person. You won't be comfortable here,' or simply suggesting specific hotels.
Etiquette Expert Nick Leighton, who hosts the Were you raised by wolves? podcast, told FEMAIL that when it comes to turning down potential house guests, 'My favorite phrase is, "Unfortunately, it's not possible."'
'No explanation or excuses required or recommended,' Nick, who's based in New York, explained to DailyMail.com. 'Repeat this phrase as necessary until they exhaust themselves.'
'Once you start offering excuses, it can easily become a negotiation, which we're wanting to avoid,' Nick said.
'If you truly don't want to host, just set that boundary and stick to it.'
