By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-07-25 15:05:17 | Updated at 2026-07-25 17:42:55
2 hours ago
U.S. — Experts remain perplexed by a mysterious mental health disorder that causes people to stab Jews.
Yet another case was reported in New York this week, as the mental health malady was once again blamed after a Muslim man stabbed multiple Jewish people in broad daylight.
"It's the strangest thing," said psychiatrist Dr. Robert Andrews. "Why does this particular Jew-stabbing mental illness only affect Muslims? Moreover, every single time a Muslim attacks a Jew, it's actually due to mental health. What are the odds? How does a mental malady only affect one religion, and why does it make them so "stabby", as it were, towards another religion? We are at a loss to explain it."
According to scientists, the highly-selective mental illness dates back hundreds of years, sometimes causing the affected Muslims to stab Christians as well. "This strange mental disorder may even cause the poor Muslims to decapitate Christians," explained epidemiologist Dr. Natalie Brash. "These poor, suffering men may do all sorts of stab-related activities. As of yet, we cannot explain the remarkable religious predilection, but we remain committed to figuring it out."
At publishing time, health experts had begun theorizing that this same mental illness could be behind Muslims strapping bombs to their chest and blowing themselves up in crowds.
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