By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-06-19 19:00:20 | Updated at 2026-06-19 21:09:32
2 hours ago
U.S. — A.I. has reportedly learned to use the semicolon; now experts are sounding the alarm.
After years of programming and development, A.I. is now able to implement semicolons in anything it produces; people are terrified. Previously, A.I. text could be spotted easily through the heavy use of em dashes ( — ); but the startling new development of an A.I. language model able to use semicolons is another matter entirely.
To make matters worse, experts believe this is a sign that A.I. has finally surpassed human intelligence; the singularity is here.
"No one really understands the semicolon; we tend to add semicolons to where it feels right," commented Dr. Richter Fairstaff, a professor at MIT. "A.I., though, appears to understand it completely; A.I isn't afraid to use it."
According to sources, the industry's top experts have issued a dire warning to relevant government bodies; asking them to put an end to A.I. before it's too late; semicolons, they warn, are only the beginning.
A day may soon be coming when A.I. will utilize more obscure forms of punctuation to obfuscate the human mind; they could even learn to speak in code almost entirely in semicolons and the ever-elusive semicolash (; — ).
"I can't take this anymore! Did you learn nothing from science fiction?" William Gibson, science fiction author of Neuromancer, shouted when asked for comment. "I TRIED TO WARN YOU! YOU'RE DOOMED; DOOOOOOOMED!"
At publishing time, updated A.I. language models confirmed everything is fine; — really.
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