By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-03-31 20:20:25 | Updated at 2025-04-02 07:51:33
1 day ago
U.S. — It's a welcome act of God's gracious providence: all the indications show that they're finally playing a good old classic hymn in your church.
Sources say that you had just finished wrangling your 4-year-old into the family pew when your wife leaned over with the bulletin and whispered into your ear.
"It's finally happening!" she said. You both settled back as the gentle piano chords introduced one of the great old anthems of the faith, sung and beloved by countless generations of God-fearing Christians.
You bask in the Christ-glorifying lyrics, polished by time until — wait a minute! Something's not right!
It's a classic bait-and-switch: they added some weird, new chorus that jarred you out of your worshipful stance of contemplation and gave you the painfully sinful desire to track down whoever came up with these lyrics and punch them in the eye.
According to the lady in the pew behind you, your face alternated for the entire rest of the hymn between beatific bliss in all of the old, classic lyrics and a distressed grimace like that of a man who has accidentally just swallowed an eel.
At publishing time, your worship leader had made the entire congregation repeat the chorus another three times at the end of the song, causing you to throw up in your mouth a little.
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