Friars get roasted at last as historic NYC clubhouse put up for sale

The aged historic East 55th Friars clubhouse is into foreclosure, going up for sale now. Owed is, give or take a farthing, $13 million. There exists Joey Adams’ book “Here’s To The Friars: The Heart of Show Business.” Sweet roast in peace stuff like:

Jack Benny once brought a pig onstage. Said George Burns: “The pig was to eat up the stuff that the audience threw at him” . . . Eddie Cantor’s dressing room door bore the legend “Jesus saves.” Under it someone wrote: “But not like Eddie Cantor” . . . Told Calvin Coolidge died, Dorothy Parker replied, “How can you tell?”

The Friars Club, captured in August 1992. New York Post

Milton Berle: “My wife is sick, my brother’s hospitalized, I was hit by a car and my kid ran away.” Bob Hope: “Great. Glad to hear it.” Comedian Jan Murray: “Hey, foreigner, make me a pastrami sandwich.” Waiter: “And your parents were Native American?”

Shirley MacLaine: “Forget commotion about JFK’s love affairs. Better he bleeped the girls than he bleeped the country” . . . Martin & Lewis’ Jerry Lewis, told nobody’s as funny as he, was asked to chair one dinner, said: “Can’t. I’m in Europe making a movie.” Chairman: “So suggest someone else.”

Three wise sheep and me

A priest blesses the parishioners in church. A cardinal blesses the animals in Radio City Music Hall.

Our Cardinal would’ve been big on the ark. Yesterday, a camel chewed his cap. Two horned sheep sniffed his coat. His Eminence’s annual blessing of the animals was to announce their coming Christmas pageant. I’m along yearly as Timothy Cardinal Dolan’s personal zookeeper. Also because he claims, “I know for a fact that she was there personally at Jesus’ birth.”

So here’s the buzz

The Bee Totem. It’s about bees’ guardianship of this planet. 1,000 pieces entombed in resin at Two Manhattan West. Bees, I’m told, are “the planet’s most important specimens” — yeah, fine, but tell that to the mayor and you’re a better man than I am, Gunga Din.

Another bulletin. The Broadway Association has met monthly for 113 years. Mayor Eric was scheduled there Sept. 26. He got indicted. Was reinvited for Oct. 24. Came WNBA Liberty’s ticker tape parade. Listen, there’s always November’s Thanksgiving. Turkey Day. 

H’wood battle

NEW movie. Remember Russell Crowe in “Gladiator”? Quarter of a century later they’re still schlepping around some colosseum in togas. This time, bad rat ass guy is Denzel Washington on shmattas from could be maybe steroids — or some other 1940 movie. Lots of slashing and smashing. It’s a Ridley Scott toga thing. Perfect for our love-thy-neighbor election warmth.

Bad year for the circus. We love them but they just heard this sad announcement: Only enough money left to pay off three of you — the Strong Man, the Bone Crusher and Ivan the Knife Thrower.

Only not in New York, kids, only not in New York. Yet.