By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-04-03 16:05:23 | Updated at 2025-04-04 09:51:28
17 hours ago
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Americans are celebrating today after the genius President Trump imposed taxes on imports, instantly tricking Democrats into hating taxes.
Studies now show that 98% of Democrats say they hate taxes after hearing that Trump is for them, shocking political analysts.
"We hate taxes now! Taxes are fascism!" said several paid Democrat protestors holding "STOP TRUMP'S TARIFFS' signs outside the White House. "We won't rest until all these oppressive taxes have been eliminated from our lives completely!"
"Democrats have played right into my hands because they're suckers and I'm so much smarter than them," said Trump to reporters. "Now, we can get rid of taxes and the Democrats will think they've won, because they're losers and their brains are smaller than mine, which is big. I have a big brain."
High-profile Democratic lawmakers such as Nancy Pelosi, Elizabeth Warren, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and Adam Schiff have banded together to sponsor a new bill called the "Eliminate All Taxes Forever Bill" in hopes of striking a devastating blow to Trump's tariff plan. "We must not let this dictator tax our country into economic ruin," said Pelosi. "My multimillion-dollar stock portfolio might not survive."
At publishing time, Democrats had announced support for taxes once again after Trump negotiated with some foreign countries and lifted them.
A journalist spills all after being mistakenly added to a group chat with top Trump officials.
