I just had the worst date of my life. I now know why we are in a 'male loneliness epidemic' - and how to fix it. JANA HOCKING says what women have been quietly thinking for years

Well, 2025 has started with the worst 'accidental date' of my life.

It all began with a picnic in the park with friends. We laughed, drank coffee, worked on our base tans, and spoke far too loudly about our sex lives, raising some questionable glances from those sitting near us. Glorious morning. No notes.

But then, a male friend of one of the girls joined us. He was from out of town, and sure, it felt a bit random having a guy join what was clearly a girls' morning, but whatcha gonna do?

Let's call him Roger (because, honestly, he was giving Randy Roger vibes).

First, he declared himself an entrepreneur. 'Oh, cool,' I said, slightly cringing at yet another bloke calling himself an 'entrepreneur'. Ick. 

'What's your business?' Cue the vague answer, winding on about being an influencer, but not an influencer, but working in an 'influencer industry'? 

It also sounded like he worked in sales, but when I asked if he worked in sales, he said no, but kept talking about sales. 

WTF? I was more confused than before I'd asked. First red flag.

A later look at his Instagram revealed he was in one of those weird pyramid schemes disguised as 'building a personal brand', and it featured many cringeworthy 'wealth mindset' videos using a whiteboard… most of which had a grand total of seven likes. 

Look, I'm all for self-promotion, but if your biggest fan is your mum, it might be time to rethink the strategy.

He then launched into a monologue about his ex-wife, who was apparently the 'laziest, most entitled woman ever' (ouch), before pivoting to how much money he makes and the flashy holidays he goes on. 

Newsflash: if you're truly rolling in it, you don't need to announce it every five minutes.

Like I said, red flag, red flag, red flag. It was torture. So, we all got back to our fun, girly conversations, and that was that.

Until I mentioned that I was going for drinks that afternoon, and he invited himself along. My friend who had introduced him to the group (she's one of those gorgeously kind girls who will make friends with anyone) had to work, and he was looking for things to do. She looked pleadingly at me to take him along to the drinks, so I mumbled 'sure' and choofed off home to get ready.

By the time I reached my car, she had sent me a text saying he was keen on me and she would organise a meeting spot for the afternoon in a group chat.

I felt like I had been hoodwinked into a date I didn't want to be on. Can't a girl get a Sunday afternoon margarita in peace?

Later that afternoon at drinks, he turned up and made a song and dance about getting everyone a round of drinks (which we later discovered was added to our tab).

Then came the moment that still makes me cringe. 

Roger grabbed my phone. Yes, unprompted, he snatched it out of my hand to 'prove a point.' 

The point he desperately wanted to make in front of everyone was how lame my Instagram was. Excuse me, what? 

He wanted to give me 'feedback' - specifically on a cheeky reel I'd made about vibrators that had reached more than 4.3 million people, had 31.5k likes, and was something I was quietly very proud of.

Apparently, a real lady wouldn't talk about vibrators so publicly. Well, the man picked the wrong audience to be 'alpha' in front of. 

It was a clear 'negging' tactic taught to men worldwide by a book that was horrendously famous called The Game.

For those not aware of this book, The Game by Neil Strauss was the bible for wannabe pickup artists in the early 2000s. 

It promised to turn socially awkward men into irresistible Casanovas with tactics like 'negging' (insults disguised as compliments) and other cringeworthy routines. 

Think: 'Make her feel insecure, and she'll want you more.' Yuck.

Why the uproar? It basically turned dating into a manipulation Olympics, reducing women to prizes to be won. 

Sure, it sold millions, but it also gave rise to a toxic culture of guys treating relationships like games rather than genuine connections. 

Clearly, this man had read it - and since the book's release, its lessons have been recycled on toxic corners of the internet, rebranded for a new generation of 'alpha' wannabes.

The ol' 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' trick - something most of us thankfully left in the schoolyard years ago – was in full effect.

This tactic he thought would make me swoon? Well, he miscalculated spectacularly. 

My friends descended on him like a pack of mama bears, delivering a verbal smackdown that sent him running to the other end of the table while apologising profusely. Oh, how I love my girlfriends.

But he wasn't done yet. As we were all saying our goodbyes, he asked if he could take me out to dinner later in the week. 

Now, I would love to say I cut him down a peg, but by this stage, I was beginning to feel a little sorry for this deluded man, so I politely fobbed him off with, 'Yes, let me check my diary and get back to you.'

As I walked home in slight disbelief at the bloke I had just met, I began wondering, 'Is this really what's out there now?' And more importantly, why are so many men like Roger cropping up?

The answer, my dear reader, lies in the so-called 'male loneliness epidemic'.

Studies show that men are lonelier than ever, particularly middle-aged and divorced men. And while loneliness is heartbreaking, some are responding in all the wrong ways, by diving headfirst into toxic internet advice about how to 'win' at dating. 

Enter a tidal wave of 'alpha' jargon, negging tactics, and unattractive attempts to mask insecurity with bravado.

Here's the thing: women's standards are rising. We're educated, ambitious and emotionally self-aware.

We're not looking for perfection, but we are looking for respect, kindness and a genuine connection. 

The internet grifters selling men 'quick fixes' to their dating woes? They're selling lies. So let me share some harsh truths for the men-folk out there:

How men can be more attractive (without the toxicity)

Ditch the negging 

Insults wrapped in compliments don't make you look clever or desirable; they make you look insecure (and we'll assume you have a small pecker).

We women have worked hard enough on our self-esteem not to see it come crashing down because some guy is intimidated. Genuine compliments are sexy; negs are vile.

Stop talking about money 

If you're wealthy, great. But no woman worth her salt is dating you for your bank balance. 

We're looking for emotional depth and fun banter not receipts for a boat. 

Money chat = snore. Tell us something worth leaning in for.

Treat your ex with respect 

Bad-mouthing your ex usually says more about you than it does about her. 

If you can't talk about your past relationships with grace, then perhaps say nothing at all. It's a massive turn-off.

Be curious, not cocky 

Instead of dominating the conversation, ask questions. Show genuine interest in the person you're speaking to. 

Trust me, this is where the magic happens. Mansplaining something to us will have us looking for the closest exit.

Get offline (sometimes) 

Those toxic bloke videos telling you how to 'charm your way into her pants' are designed to provoke clicks, not build relationships.

Find mentors or friends who model healthy, respectful connections and learn from them instead.

Not these YouTube weirdos sitting in their basements, wanking on about how men should be dominant creatures.

Roger, and men like him, aren't inherently bad. They're just lost, clinging to toxic ideologies that promise quick fixes to complex problems.

But until they change their tune, they'll remain part of the 'male loneliness epidemic', wondering why women swipe left faster than they can say 'alpha'.

The solution? It's not about wealth or status. It's about respect, empathy and genuine human connection. 

And until Roger figures that out, he'll be negging himself all the way to an empty bed.