I'm a size 18 and men find me irresistible… Here's EXACTLY why sex with a larger lady is always best

At a dress size 18-20, and with a lifetime of experience between the sheets, I can smugly say: fit men prefer fat women. Don't believe me?

Well, at the age of 50, I'm still having a far richer sex life than many of my slimmer friends. When we get together for a few glasses of wine, I often provide a sympathetic ear to those who lament their lack of action in the bedroom, and it's often because their sexual self-confidence has taken a nose-dive as they age.

I've never had this problem. Even though we larger ladies are constantly told we shouldn't love our bodies, I can tell you that men certainly do – and my sexual self-esteem has always been sky high because of it.

Having reached my half century, I'm still happily swinging from the chandeliers with a (new-ish) man who, to our mutual delight, weighs rather less than my 15-and-a-half stone.

What is it that men find so irresistible? The obvious physical attributes, of course, but also my lack of hang-ups about them.

The men I have been with have never been bothered about my big boobs, wobbly thighs, jiggly buttocks or round tummy. And so I never have either.

In fact, despite what diet culture might want women to believe, it's these very wobbly bits that they find so alluring. I once had a supremely fit lover who had only ever dated slender gym bunnies.

On our first night together, he stopped mid-lovemaking to marvel at my body, as if he was seeing a decadent dessert after a lifetime of salads. He told me I was the best lover he'd had in years. We couldn't get enough of each other.

My partners have spanned all ages and physiques, though most of them were significantly lighter on the scales than me.

Many were conventionally tall and handsome; a couple were on the plump or short side. Despite their differences, they all had one thing in common: they adored every undulating part of me.

There was the entrepreneur, the architect, the barrister, the tech nerd, the French sommelier, the rugby player, the yoga instructor, the brick-layer, a few holiday flings and so many more.

I think it is fair to say that I was always less judgemental when choosing a partner than some of my slimmer friends who required all sorts of boxes to be ticked from height and hair colour to bank balance and car. No surprises that they had a lot less sex than me.

I've had both one-night stands and long-term relationships, but I don't consider myself promiscuous – I consider myself liberated and empowered.

I wasn't always so confident in my skin. I was a size 16 by the time I hit 16 and felt too self-conscious to even think about a boyfriend.

Growing up on a diet of rom-coms, I saw that the girls on screen who landed the gorgeous boys were thin and flat-chested. Locked away in my bedroom, I'd spend hours gazing at my posters of pop stars, wondering if anyone like them would ever want someone like me.

Into my 20s, my daydream became a reality when I fell in love with a beautiful, talented man that I met at university. It took some time to overcome my self-doubt and body image issues, but his love of every inch of me eventually helped me to accept my body. I have a lot to thank him for.

Anyone who is fortunate enough to have had a formative sexual experience where they are made to feel like the most beautiful person on the planet, regardless of the number on their scales, will know that it sets you up for life!

Ultimately, we were too young to settle down, but we were together for three years and the relationship instilled in me a deep and lasting sense of sexual confidence.

It's this sexual confidence that men can't resist. Bigger women are better in bed and men love us for it, it's our sexual superpower. They may not shout about it publicly, but the taboo-busting fact is that, in my experience, most men desire a bigger woman in the bedroom.

Only one man on my list of conquests has ever dreamed of uttering a fat-shaming slur (more of him later). The rest have found my combination of curves and confidence quite intoxicating.

They are the best kind of males, in my opinion – the men who defy the cultural pressures they grow up with just as much as women do.

Of course there are some men who'd never dream of dating a larger lady, that's fine; we all have preferences. However, there is something irresistible about a guy who can see beyond beauty's conventional standard.

For me, it's a delicious irony that while I'm told by society that my generous proportions are seen as unattractive, I know the opposite to be true – they actually create extra excitement between the sheets. I have very big H-cup boobs, an ample squishy bum and wide hips.

I might have dimpled thighs and a soft tummy, but I've always had a pretty face, a waist that goes in, long hair, great skin and naturally pillowy lips.

As a young, and finally self-confident, woman in my 20s, I had an insatiable lust for life and indulgence. When I wanted something, I went after it with gusto.

It turned out this was a formidable combination, making me a man magnet. My lack of restraint, I think, led to even more spontaneous and electrifying sex.

Exploring the sensual pleasures of a man's body was, for me, akin to savouring a gourmet meal.

There is a school of thought that very good-looking, slim women, are often self-obsessed and don't tend to be so giving in bed, because they believe that they alone are the prize and that should be enough.

Certainly it's something my own lovers have commented on after experiencing my wild and enthusiastic approach to sex. I was once told that cuddling up to me felt like snuggling up to a cloud of marshmallows. I get that. Surely, it's nicer rolling around with a bag of pillows than a bag of bones?

If we're getting down to the nitty-gritty there are certain sex positions that are less abrasive with a curvier woman. There's also a lot more of me to jiggle and bounce around during the throes of passion which, I found, aroused men even more.

For a laugh, I once went through the Kama Sutra with a partner, and we had a riot trying (and often failing) to get to grips with its myriad ridiculous positions. In the end though, it's a couple's sexual chemistry and connection that really matters, not how long you can maintain a tricky sex move.

I am also convinced there's a biological correlation between better sex and big women. Consider: the brain's two chief 'feel-good' agents – the neurotransmitter dopamine and the 'happy' chemical serotonin – are both released during pleasurable activities, whether that's savouring a decadent meal or engaging in intimate encounters.

If the same neurochemical pathways are responsible for eating and sexual pleasure, it's no wonder those of us with a robust appetite for one often have a robust appetite for the other.

Interestingly, I've realised that regular orgasms have a weight-loss effect and curb my appetite for food, so the more sex I'm having, the easier it is to manage my weight. Ironic, that.

When it comes to my physical type, I don't really have one. Not being judged or ruled out by men because of my lack of a thigh gap and toned abs has helped me thrive and feel alive, and so I'd be a bit of a hypocrite if I rejected a man for having a few love handles of his own. 

I liked to think of myself as an equal-opportunities dater – within reason, I would be drawn to a certain energy or charm, rather than any particular physical attributes.

When I was in my 20s I had a lover with a public profile. He was on the larger side but that never bothered me. Unfortunately, despite his charm, I struggled to connect with him sexually. I still enjoyed his company enormously and hoped our sexual compatibility would improve over time. 

But, again ironically, he is the only man who has ever commented on my size. It happened one morning as I was making coffee in his kitchen. I was wearing tight trousers, so while staring at my ample derriere, he uttered the line: 'You are really quite big, aren't you?'

Certainly rich coming from someone who, frankly, could have done with losing a few pounds.

My size obviously perturbed him. Maybe that explained the frustrating sex?

Looking back, I'm not sure what was going on in his mind: I eventually discovered his long-term ex was incredibly slim and, sadly, battling anorexia. I never spoke to him again.

Happily, I went on to have a long-term relationship with the owner of a sun-kissed six-pack. We had an amazing sex life after I taught him a thing or two.

So, do I think that bigger is always better when it comes to female sexuality? Not quite.

While I'm adamant that women under a size 16 are generally not going to be as good in bed as those of us who want to devour all of life's pleasures, I also believe there is a tipping point when it comes to fuller figures. For me that point comes when a woman's figure is rather more cumbersome than curvaceous.

As size starts to creep upwards to a 22, 24 or 26, you inevitably start to lose things like waist definition. In such cases I'd suggest cutting back on the carbs in order to not lose the curves.

Yet my point still stands: in a society obsessed with unrealistic body standards, it's liberating to know that true desire transcends them. Beauty ideals are woefully outdated, clinging to narrow concepts that exclude the vibrant diversity of all our shapes and sizes.

Society's fixation on weight blinds us to the truth that passion and compatibility always beats a number on the scale.

It's time to celebrate love and lust in all its forms, recognising that true sexiness is found in authenticity, not conformity.

Names and details have been changed. Fenwyn Hart is a pseudonym.