By Daily Mail (U.S.) | Created at 2025-03-24 05:24:58 | Updated at 2025-03-26 00:24:53
1 day ago
For years, I kept a secret from everyone I loved - including myself.
But now, in my late thirties, I can finally say it without shame: I am an alcoholic.
My drinking has taken me to dark places.
People are always shocked when they find out I'm an alcoholic. From the outside, you would never know.
I was the happy-go-lucky high achiever, the suburban Philly girl who moved to New York to chase an acting dream.
I got into NYU, graduated from Tisch, booked commercials, and landed roles in movies and TV shows including hit Netflix series Two Sentence Horror Stories and the Bravo true crime series Dirty John.
I kept my career going. I held on to my relationships with friends, family and my boyfriend who I hid the true extent of my drinking from by lying and sneaking around. But inside, I was at war with myself.
Like so many in New York, I lived in a culture where drinking was glamorized, normalized and expected. It took me years to realize that what I was doing wasn't just 'having fun'. It was destroying me.
Sarah Pribis is a successful actress who has appeared in movies and TV shows including hit Netflix series Two Sentence Horror Stories and the Bravo true crime series Dirty John. But throughout her late twenties she realized her drinking had gotten out of control (Pictured hosting a show in 2021 after she stopped drinking)
People were always shocked when they found out she is an alcoholic. From the outside, you would never know, she is a high achieving suburban Philly girl who moved to New York to chase an acting dream. She likes to say: 'drinking was fun, and then it was fun with problems and then it was just problems.' Pictured last year after she stopped drinking.
When you're surrounded by people who are also drinking, it's so easy to convince yourself 'I don't have a problem'. But for everyone there comes a breaking point.
I like to say drinking was fun, and then it was fun with problems and then it was just problems.
It was a slippery slope, a gradual decline into ugliness. I told myself I had lines I'd never cross, and then as time went on, I crossed them. And there's no doubt in my mind I'd have crossed even more had I kept on drinking.
On one occasion in 2015, for example, I showed up for my first day at a new bartending job. My professional acting career was taking off and I was auditioning for a lot of roles at the time, but I still needed to supplement my income. The bar was one of New York's most exclusive venues so I was really excited about it.
But within hours I'd been sent home for being drunk.
I can't even remember exactly how it happened: I know I had started drinking before I got there, and then kept drinking when I arrived. As my shift progressed, my manager pulled me aside and asked to talk to me. It was clear I was not all there at that point, so they told me: 'You're clearly intoxicated, we need to ask you to leave'.
I distinctly remember my shame and confusion the next day. 'How did that happen?' I thought as I curled up under my sheets, head throbbing from my hangover and sick to my stomach with embarrassment. 'Who is this person?'
Another time, I went into the bathroom before an audition and had a drink from a mini-size bottle of vodka I had stashed in my handbag. It was the afternoon, but I felt I needed some liquid courage. I don't think the casting agents noticed, but it makes me so sad now to think about it now.
Down and down the slope I slid. It got to the point where my happiness was very much tied to when I would be able to drink again.
For much of her twenties, Pribis was a bartender so she didn't have to pay for much alcohol. In New York, she lived in a culture where drinking was glamorized. 'It took me years to realize that it was destroying me,' she said. Pictured in the late 2000s while she was still drinking.
The only person who truly knew there was an issue was her partner, Alex (pictured). He was desperate for her to stop drinking. One day, he sat her down and said: 'I can't watch you do this to yourself anymore, because I know what an amazing person you are and how much potential you have. And it just hurts me to watch.'
She went to her father's house to dry out and went cold turkey. Luckily she didn't suffer any serious physical withdrawals and was able to maintain her sobriety for several years. (Pictured on set after she got sober)
Her work flourished when she was sober, she appeared on the Ellen DeGeneres show a few months after she stopped drinking in 2017 (pictured)
Even if I wasn't drinking, I was still thinking about it and all the times in between were miserable. I would plan my evenings so I knew I could have a drink.
I noticed I was becoming a shell of myself, and that my enjoyment of life was dependent on access to alcohol.
I've drunk pretty much everything at one time or another - at college I favored those colorful liqueurs and spirits like Pinnacle Whipped Cream vodka, or the Absolut Pear Vodka, then I moved onto whiskey, then wine.
By the time I eventually got sober I was a daily drinker.
I drank in the morning sometimes. Waking with a hangover, I would go to the bodega and grab some Bud Light Lime-a-Ritas and nurse one of those in bed. Or I would put Kahlua in my coffee.
I was a bartender so I didn't have to pay for much alcohol - I drank for free a lot of the time. Or as a pretty girl, people would buy me drinks when I was out and about.
All the time my drinking was going on, I managed to keep it a secret. If you were my drinking buddies, you would think we were all drinking the same amount. If I needed more, I would pregame or I would keep the party going afterwards by myself, or I'd have a little extra something in my bag.
At one friend's birthday I remember I poured vodka into a travel hairspray bottle before I went, so I could chug that in the bathroom, knowing that if anyone saw it, they would think it was a beauty product.
It was very sneaky.
The only person who truly knew there was an issue was my partner. We had been together for three years after meeting at a restaurant we both worked at. I was 30 years old and he was desperate for me to stop drinking.
Then one day, she had a dark encounter that derailed her. She told a man she had been working with that she was sober, but he said he didn't believe in alcoholism and would tell her 'if you drink expensive wine you won't be able to afford to be an alcoholic'. (pictured in 2009 before she got sober)
Then one lunch the man said to her: 'I'll give you a $25,000 bonus: all you have to do is drink a glass of wine.' She had been sober for almost three years, but in the moment it sounded like so much money and she thought she was strong enough to handle it. So she took two sips - and it sent her into a relapse. (Pictured interviewing comedian Jim Gaffigan)
One day, he sat me down and said: 'I can't watch you do this to yourself anymore, because I know what an amazing person you are and how much potential you have. And it just hurts me to watch.'
That was a wake-up call for me.
The second person I told after that was my dad. It's important to know that my dad is also an alcoholic.
He's in recovery now, too, and has been sober for 11 years, though he didn't kick the booze for good until I was 28.
When I told my dad, he jumped in his car and came to pick me up. He took me to his house in Philadelphia - the drive there was excruciating as I was feeling nauseous and shaky.
Once I got there I went cold turkey. I stayed for a week to dry out and was lucky not to experience severe physical withdrawal symptoms. But the psychological effect was massive. I had intense cravings as my body was physically addicted to alcohol.
I still felt those cravings months after giving up, but I managed to remain sober, bar one small blip, for the next three years. I didn't touch a drop and my TV career took off.
When it went wrong, it was in spectacular style.
I was 33 and hosting the quiz game HQ Trivia, which had become a massive viral phenomenon. My fame through that role led a charity to approach me wanting to auction off lunch with me as a prize.
I agreed, and met with the highest bidder in New York.
He was much older than me and clearly very wealthy. He told me he wanted to hire me as a consultant to look into some arts projects he was considering investing in. It seemed like a great opportunity, so I agreed.
For a year, we met once a month to discuss the projects at some of the city's finest restaurants and each time he would order an expensive bottle of wine.
I told him straight away I didn't drink because I had a problem, but he would always laugh it off - he said he didn't believe in alcoholism and would tell me 'if you drink expensive wine you won't be able to afford to be an alcoholic'.
Determined that our partnership would work out and help my career, I ignored his behavior for weeks - until one lunch he said to me: 'I'll give you a $25,000 bonus, all you have to do is drink a glass of wine.'
I had been sober for almost three years, but in the moment it sounded like so much money and I thought I was strong enough to handle it. I took two sips of wine and walked away. He paid me.
So she started secretly drinking again until one day in 2020, her boyfriend caught me. It was the next wake up call she needed and she got sober again, and has stayed sober since. (Pictured hosting a show for Infinite Reality in 2021)
I was so furious with myself - and with him – that I cut contact after that and didn't tell anyone what had happened.
I've done a lot of work to move past it now, but it was deeply upsetting. And when I think about him now, I realize just how warped and manipulative his behavior was when he knew I was an alcoholic.
The secret of how I had come by so much money began to eat away at me and before long, I found myself back in the grip of my addiction. I wasn't sleeping and I started taking the antihistamine Benadryl. Then I thought, if I'm taking Benadryl, I might as well drink. And that was that.
I went into a really gnarly relapse for eight months.
The pandemic hit and I felt like I was living Groundhog Day. I wasn't working in film or TV because everything had been put on hold. And I couldn't get any jobs in hospitality because everything had shut down. Unemployed, the only thing I did every day was drink and watch TV.
I was hiding it from my friends and my partner, though I still don't know how I was able to keep it a secret for so long.
At the time my partner cared for his mother at his home, so we live in two apartments very close together. He has his place, and I have mine. Back then, of course, people were very careful about contact they had with others, so in those Covid months, I had plenty of opportunity to indulge my drinking habit.
I was drinking a lot of wine, often a bottle a day. I would start late afternoon whenever my partner left to check on his mother.
Then one day in 2020, I got caught. I ordered delivery food and wine from a restaurant and then passed out, and when my boyfriend came over, he found me, with the wine bottle at my feet.
He was so hurt, I could see it in his face. That hurt was followed by fear. He was terrified for me.
That was another wake-up call.
It sounds like a cliche, but I am so grateful he caught me because it gave me the push I needed to get sober again.
I had to start from scratch. I went back to my dad's and stayed longer this time. I made getting well my full time job, which I hadn't done the first time around.
Now, she says she is a better performer, her sleep is much better, and she has saved a lot of money - at least $100 a week. (Pictured hosting a show for Infinite Reality in 2021)
She told the Mail: 'I'm not saying life is perfect, but I have the tools to handle the good and the bad. I cope with life better. I'm much more grateful for the little things in my life. I'm more emotionally stable. At the end of the day, I'm not sourcing happiness from a bottle.'
Working through a 12-step programme with meetings, meditation and journaling, I laid the groundwork that meant, when my life got busy again I was able to manage it.
I've been sober ever since. And my life has changed.
I am a better performer, my sleep is much better, and I've saved a ton of money - at least $100 a week.
I've been sharing my story because I want to dismantle this idea that alcoholism has to look one way. I want people to take a look at their relationship with alcohol and see if their life may be better without it.
It's not true that you're a better artist with sex, drugs, rock and roll. In my experience it's very much the opposite.
Now I'm sober I can look at myself in the mirror and be proud of who I am. And it's showing in my work too - I'm taking on bigger and better projects, some of which I will be able to announce soon.
I'm not saying life is perfect, but I have the tools to handle the good and the bad. I cope with life better. I'm much more grateful for the little things in my life. I'm more emotionally stable.
At the end of the day, I'm not sourcing happiness from a bottle.
As told to Isabelle Stanley, Features Writer for the Daily Mail
