By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-10-08 17:55:24 | Updated at 2026-10-08 21:14:04
3 hours ago
SCRANTON, PA — After years of failed attempts, local man Paul Foster finally found a perfectly ripe avocado at the grocery store, only to be tragically killed in a car crash on the way home.
Lying on the steering wheel as his life expired, Foster couldn't help but see the irony of it all.
"I've picked out hundreds of avocados. I've never gotten one that was just right," Foster struggled to say to the paramedic, as his vision began to cloud. "Wouldn't you know it, I finally get one, and then — bam! Dead. That's just how it goes, I guess. Seriously, you should have my avocado. I don't want it to go to waste."
The paramedic, Kevin Gordon, kept his finger on Foster's pulse. "Um, yeah, I'll take the avocado. But I'll stay right here with you until you, uh, pass. I'm sorry there isn't more I could do. Thanks for the avocado, though. Seriously."
"That's okay, I just want someone to enjoy it. A perfect avocado is so hard to find," gasped Foster. "You know, either it's starting to get brown on the edge, or else it's too stiff and mealy. It took me until age 43, but I finally got a perfect one. Then, T-boned by a semi. Bummer, huh?"
At publishing time, Foster had died, only for the paramedic to discover that the avocado had overripened by the time he got home.
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