By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-01-16 19:25:37 | Updated at 2025-01-16 22:07:37
2 hours ago
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following the President's farewell address on Wednesday evening, Vice President Kamala Harris delivered her own heartfelt address to a bunch of Beanie Babies spread out on her bed.
Harris was reportedly dressed in formal attire as she knelt at the foot of her bed and delivered a stirring message of patriotism, the American dream, and how she had single-handedly solved all the world's problems and ushered in an era of world peace while the Beanie Babies looked on in respectful silence.
"As your vice president, I successfully secured the southern border, cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate to pass the Inflation Reduction Act, and brokered world peace among all the world's nations," she said, reading off a nearby teleprompter. "I couldn't have done it without the support of the American people and my top aide, Niles, who taught me that a desert is dry, hot land filled with lots and lots of sand, but we can still have so much fun as long as we play in the sun."
"Excuse me, Mr. Bubbles. I'm speaking."
Near the end of her speech, Harris thanked Joe Biden for trusting her as VP and for quickly turning around so she could stab him behind the back and run a failed presidential campaign against Donald Trump.
According to sources, the emotional speech was cut short when Harris' husband Douglas Emhoff walked in on her talking to an audience of Beanie Babies.
At publishing time, Douglas Emhoff had donated all the Beanie Babies to Goodwill.
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