Lots of Character

Did you know that Chelsea Handler bought a house in Brentwood, California, from RFK Jr., and his wife Cheryl Hines? This was news to me. Insiders have known it for months, but the late-night talk show host and “sociocultural activist,” as House Digest describes Handler, paid $5.9 million for the place, which, being in the Mandeville Canyon neighborhood, is about an hour west of Los Angeles proper. This allows her to steer clear of the riffraff. As one does.

Handler’s neighbors include Gwyneth Paltrow, George Clooney, Tom Selleck, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Dr. Dre, which must make for pleasant conversations when they are taking out the garbage, hosing down the driveway, and unclogging the gutters. 

Handler’s house is nothing grand—about 5,500 square feet—but the “resort-inspired abode” does have a “serene” swimming pool with waterfall and Tiki bar. And an 

850-square foot semi-detached guest or staff suite with its own bedroom, bathroom, and laundry room, [plus] a 400-square foot studio or media lounge that opens to the backyard with a wall of French doors. Sitting between the home and a steep hillside is her stone patio, complete with a fire pit, bar, built-in grill, and a spa that spills into the kidney-shaped pool.

There are six bedrooms, which will be helpful in coming months should Handler find herself forced to move to Mallorca where, back in 2015, she bought a beachfront property. She bought the place in Spain, she said, “just in case” Donald Trump got elected. Trump was elected, of course, but Handler stayed put. In fact, she bought the Mandeville Canyon house a year into Trump’s presidency. Whether Handler will flee the country this time, should he win back the White House, only time will tell. Moving is a hassle, especially when you own stuff. 

If she does leave, Handler might have to wait in line, something not even B-list celebrities should be expected to do. If this indignity does befall her, she will at least have the comfort of being in good company. There, standing at the bus stop, hastily packed suitcases beside them, will be Amy Schumer, Bryan Cranston, Lena Dunham, Samuel L. Jackson, Barbra Streisand, Miley Cyrus, and Snoop Dogg, among others, who have said they too will flee. 

Cher says she will “leave the planet,” so it is hard to say which line she will be in. A lot of us thought she had left the planet decades ago. That Cher’s high-minded friends have not forced her to leave the country just for the get-up she wore to promote Half-Breed remains a mystery. It has taken 500 years for Christopher Columbus to get his comeuppance, so there’s still time. Cher’s day may yet come.

The six bedrooms of Handler’s digs will be helpful, as mentioned, as we seek to solve the nation’s urgent housing crisis. Hollywood celebrities understand things that the general public does not. They understand, for example, that immigrants, whether legally here or not, deserve a decent place to live, and that there is a shortage of such places. Celebrities realize this, too: Reports of violent migrant gangs taking control of apartment houses in, say, Aurora, Colorado, are vicious falsehoods spread by xenophobic racists. 

While celebrities, when pressed, can be made to agree that such things have occurred, their frequency and severity are grossly exaggerated, and that the arrival of migrants, violent or otherwise, has had no ill effects on the lawful residents of these cities and the municipal services they pay for. Celebrities also understand that anyone who claims otherwise is also a xenophobic racist. 

Celebrities understand economics. They can explain, for example, that if only other rich people were made to “pay their fair share,” all our economic problems could be solved. Celebrities understand, finally, that the Democrats have actually done more than Republicans to limit the flow of migrants across the Southern border, and anyone who suggests otherwise is ditto. 

As for Chelsea Handler’s six bedrooms, it occurs to me that they could easily accommodate immigrant families, as could the bedrooms, dining rooms, in-home theaters, guesthouses, greenhouses, and poolside cabanas of Handler’s generous-spirited friends and neighbors who will be leaving the country too. 

Considering the vast numbers of well-to-do Americans who have vowed to leave and the actual numbers of immigrants arriving in need of decent housing, it will seem to you, as it does to me, that it’s a wash. When one group moves out, just move the others in. Problem solved.