By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-08-13 20:50:22 | Updated at 2026-08-13 22:03:53
1 hour ago
NEW YORK, NY — Mayor Zoran Mamdani's planned city-managed grocery stores were reportedly set to feature an exclusive "Queue Where You Wait For Loaves Of Leavened Flour Products", the mayor's office confirmed on Thursday.
The queue marked a distinct shift from traditional grocery stores, where large quantities of bread sit on shelves waiting for customers.
Mamdani was all smiles as he demonstrated how the new queuing system works. "In most stores, you have to go find the bread, but here you'll enter a sophisticated queuing system and wait for bread to be handed to you," he said. "Provided there is any."
According to sources, the Queue Where You Wait For Loaves Of Leavened Flour Products would be an integral feature of the upcoming city-run stores. Just don't call it a "bread line" or Mamdani will revoke your press privileges.
"Why do people keep calling that? It's not a bread line," Mamdani said, angrily confronting a reporter's use of the term. "This is way different, and you can tell because we call it a queue. And that's just one difference."
According to the mayor's office, the Queue Where You Wait For Loaves Of Leavened Flour Products is distinct from a bread line in that customers in line can listen to soothing background music while they wait instead of the sound of their stomachs growling. "The Soviets didn't have that," one source said.
At publishing time, Mamdani had signed an executive order sentencing anyone who called his queue a bread line to a Siberian labor camp.
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