By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-08-03 17:10:19 | Updated at 2026-08-03 17:55:16
46 minutes ago
PORTLAND, OR — Local man Dave McMillan devised a foolproof way to determine which propositions he should support on the ballot by researching which initiatives are endorsed by the local teachers union and then voting the exact opposite.
"It works every single time," McMillan said. "I just head over to their website, make it past all the rainbows on the home page, and then look up what they think about various local issues. Retain this pink-haired judge with the thick-rimmed glasses? Oh good, I know I should vote against her."
McMillan said looking up what the teachers union supports has really helped him know what current ballot initiatives and propositions are Marxist dumpster fires intended to degrade and destroy American society from the inside.
"I saw they support raising property taxes 25 percent to help fund more gender-swapping picture books for kindergarteners. I mean, I didn't really need to research why I was opposed to it, but it's nice to know where they stand."
At publishing time, McMillan said he also checks with the local public library "read banned books" section to know which books to vote to take out of schools.
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