By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-08-12 18:15:21 | Updated at 2026-08-12 19:18:48
1 hour ago
AMARILLO, TX — Amarillo High School graduate David Flexner has reportedly declined several yearbook requests to "stay cool."
The appeals to Flexner, still clearly visible on multiple pages of his 2006 yearbook, have gone completely unheeded, according to friends and family.
"After two decades, the results are clear. David has steadfastly refused to stay cool," said longtime friend Carl Cohen. "He has instead descended, slowly but surely, into being an absolute dork. David's really into NFTs, he wears his Apple Vision Pro when he walks his dog, and just recently, he's gotten super into puns. Like, really into puns. I don't think the yearbook advice quite landed."
Sources confirmed that Flexner had also ignored other yearbook advice, such as to "stay awesome" and "never change."
"It's hard to see. Back in 2006, David had a puka shell necklace. He listened to The Killers. He drove a Jeep. David was the epitome of cool," said former classmate Matt Reynolds. "Now, he owns three different shirts that say things like ‘This Guy Needs Coffee' and sends us Wordle scores every morning. It's heartbreaking."
At publishing time, friends had discovered another yearbook message telling Flexner, "Don't ever lose that crazy sense of humor," prompting them to admit that, regrettably, he had followed at least one piece of advice.
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