By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-10-09 19:20:22 | Updated at 2026-10-09 20:22:25
1 hour ago
GLENDORA, CA — A local man narrowly avoided receiving a ticket for texting while driving after he politely explained to the police officer that he was merely playing Mario Tennis: Power Tour on his Game Boy Advance SP.
Jacob Glenford was pulled over while driving north on Lone Hill Ave as he played doubles with Donkey Kong after Officer Martin Tolliver mistook Glenford's enjoyable mobile gaming session for texting.
"I'm sorry for the confusion, officer. I wasn't texting. I'm just enjoying a morning drive with some Mario Tennis," he said. "I'm trying to beat the last couple of characters so I can unlock 'Ace' difficulty."
Officer Tolliver was reportedly so impressed that the young man was playing on a classic handheld gaming device instead of rotting his brain on TikTok that he didn't even bother writing up a warning. "If there were more people like him on the road, the world would be a better place," Tolliver said. "I guess maybe this country really is going to be alright."
According to sources, while not technically the same as texting, driving while playing a Game Boy is also illegal because it falls under distracted-driving rules. However, it's up to an officer's discretion how distracting a given activity is.
"I've pulled over women for doing their makeup in the car, but this young man did nothing wrong," the officer explained. "Video games actually hone your reflexes. Really, it's making him a better driver."
At publishing time, Glenford had tragically died in a horrific six-car pile-up.
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