By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-03-28 18:25:17 | Updated at 2025-03-31 11:39:44
2 days ago
U.S. — Kart Rite Manufacturing (KRM) issued a nationwide recall this week following the discovery of a grocery store shopping cart that had four properly functioning wheels.
Grocery chains across the country were mortified when customers were seen rolling their carts smoothly down the aisles without any trouble whatsoever. Now, KRM is taking swift action to find out what happened.
"We maintain the strictest standards for faulty cart manufacturing in the country. How could this have happened?" KRM President Bill Basket reportedly said in an emergency meeting with executives. "These carts never should have made it off the assembly line. Two functioning wheels, sure. Three? Okay. But four? Unthinkable!"
According to inside sources, KRM's mistake has had devastating repercussions for the industry.
"It's been a nightmare," said Neal Biel, the manager of a Kroger in Chester, Virginia. "I've had to call out maintenance guys all week just to bang on the wheels so the carts would swerve uncontrollably again."
According to industry professionals, smooth-rolling shopping cart wheels that do not swerve or suddenly stop mid-rotation and loudly skid along the floor are anathema to the kind of experience customers expect at grocery stores. If left unchecked, experts said, fully functioning shopping carts could very well bring down the entire industry.
At publishing time, customers affected by carts with four functioning wheels had been issued formal apologies and provided with coupons for boxes of cereal priced at $1.99 each if they bought at least three.
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