By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-03-06 19:20:17 | Updated at 2025-03-06 21:57:14
2 hours ago
ALLENTOWN, PA — Local mechanic Ruben Rivera appeared exhausted Wednesday after a long day making up fake car parts that needed to be fixed.
"Man, I sold so many replacement Binary Gasket Regulators today," Rivera said. "I haven't been this tired since I sold out of Hydrostatic Rotary Exhaust Synchronizers last week."
Rivera then excused himself to tell a customer he needed to special order a "Crystal Skull-Board for the Lower Intake Tube."
"Sometimes I just tell them I need to order a part that will take four weeks to get here and cost $10,000 so I can take a vacation," Rivera admitted. "I have to take the time to rest from making up all these fake car parts."
Customers on Yelp praise Rivera for his expertise and pleasant customer service. "He took me under the car to show me exactly where the Trip-Coatal Filament Screw was and explained how he needed a Special Corner Wrench to take off the entire engine and replace it," wrote one five star review. "He's a great mechanic."
At publishing time, Ruben Rivera hired an intern to create a database of fake car parts so he wouldn't have to keep making them up.
An elite force from DOGE uncovers the most absurd waste of taxpayer dollars.
