By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-01-24 20:40:18 | Updated at 2025-01-25 01:23:59
4 hours ago
CASPER, WY — Amid the uproar over people accusing Elon Musk of giving a Nazi sign following Donald Trump's inauguration, journalists were able to track down the one person who has never once done a Hitler salute in his life.
Norm Armstrong successfully passed an extensive background check and withstood heavy vetting to officially claim the title of the only human being who has never raised an arm in the tell-tale "Heil Hitler" position.
"I couldn't do it even if I wanted to. I don't want to, though. Just to be clear," Armstrong said. "I had seen all the controversy in the news about Elon Musk, and some people were trying to say that ‘everyone' has done a nazi salute at some point in their lives. I contact the local newspaper to let them know I never have. Now, it's official. Nobody can accuse me of ever doing it. For obvious reasons."
An investigative journalist from the Casper Star-Tribune worked tirelessly to confirm Armstrong's claim. "I looked into every corner of his life," said reporter Kent Cramer. "I interviewed everyone who knows him — family members, friends, high school classmates. I obtained copies of all of his school yearbooks and collected photographs from every stage of his life. Eventually, I had nowhere else to look. It's true — he has never given a Nazi salute. He couldn't even give me a high-five when I gave him the good news."
At publishing time, Armstrong was facing renewed scrutiny after a childhood friend accused him of once using a department store mannequin arm to salute Adolf Hitler.
Trump is cleaning house, and with Kash Patel as the presumptive head of the FBI, that department is no exception.
