My girlfriend discovered my shameful sex secret. It's so 'repulsive' that she ghosted me: DEAR JANE

Dear Jane,

I think my girlfriend's ghosted me.

We started dating a few weeks ago and one night, after a few glasses of wine, we started to divulge our deepest secrets.

I know what you're thinking: what a terrible idea. But listen, in the moment, we thought it was fine.

The topic of 'body count' came up. She shared hers ... then asked me mine.

To be completely frank, I was a bit of a partier in college and in my twenties, so my number was three times higher than hers.

I am not ashamed of it - nor should anyone be - but it was clear that she was upset. She didn't say much, but the look on her face was undeniable and her body language totally changed. She clearly thought it was repulsive.

Now, it's been days and she hasn't returned any of my calls or texts.

I know that if someone is going to judge me for this, then perhaps they aren't 'the one,' but we got along so well and I genuinely liked her - which makes this all the more upsetting.

I really don't want to lose her, but I don't know how to get her to talk to me again.

Sincerely,

Confession Consequence

Dear Confession Consequence,

I know how hurtful it is when someone ghosts you, particularly after you have shared something so intimate.

But here's the thing: as you rightly point out, if she can't handle it, she isn't for you. 

It isn't really the fact that this appears to have upset her, but how she has dealt with it, that is the biggest sign you need to move on.

Every relationship will have its ups and downs, and all of us will disappoint or upset our partners at some point - whether it's a sharp tone, a lack of care or the revelation of how many people we have slept with. 

What matters, though, is not the rupture, but how we repair it.

A good relationship requires two people who can find compassion and understanding in place of judgment.

The fact that your girlfriend wasn't able to tell you that your 'body count' made her uncomfortable - which could have led to a conversation that may have put her at ease - is a red flag that must not be ignored.

Ghosting is emotionally immature, and shows an enormous lack of consideration. It is brutal and leaves the ghosted party utterly bewildered and devastated, with no way to offer an explanation or defense. 

Not that you need a defense, by the way. We were all young once and have done things that we would not do today.

Even if your girlfriend comes back at some point and says that she just needed time to process, this does not bode well for future disagreements.