NEW YORK, NY — Citizens of New York are reportedly excited to see how this brand-new, never-before-tried system of government known as "socialism" will ultimately turn out.
Eager to experiment with a novel form of governmental rule, New Yorkers cast their ballots yesterday to install a socialist form of rule, optimistic that the new societal structure would ultimately bring about a promised utopia.
"It's such an innovative, brilliant idea. I can't believe no one's ever tried this before," said local man Max Landerholm. "All we have to do is let the state divide up everyone's property, take over the means of production, and then everyone will have what they need with no inequality whatsoever. It's so simple, I don't know how it could possibly go wrong."
Historians say there is no precedent for a government taking private wealth for redistribution, seizing companies, and centralizing economic planning. "It's anyone's guess how this all turns out in the end," said professor Mitch Gunther. "Everything New York is doing is uncharted territory. Only time will tell what unforeseen consequences there might be."
At publishing time, New York had decided to also try the completely original tactic pinning all of their problems on a class of undesirables.
Behold! Woke Jesus is teaching when the Pharisees bring to him a woman caught in adultery. Listen and learn from this cherished Bible story about how Woke Jesus turned to intersectionality.

By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-06-24 20:15:24 | Updated at 2026-06-24 21:03:03
49 minutes ago








