By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-08-11 18:55:27 | Updated at 2026-08-11 19:12:11
17 minutes ago
DALLAS, TX — Local driver and overachiever Ethan Harper reportedly showed off an insufferable level of perfectionism during his morning commute on Tuesday by intentionally using his vehicle's turn signal before changing lanes.
Witnesses on Interstate 35 reported seeing Harper's left blinker pop on a full three seconds before his vehicle merged into a lane, a desperate bid for attention that left surrounding motorists disgusted.
"Look at Mr. Perfect over here, clicking a lever to show off where he's going," driver Carl Simmons said. "Some of us have places to be. We don't have time to signal our intentions like we're some sort of big-wig corporate ladder-climber."
In a further bid to show off his insufferable overachieving, Harper reportedly also checked his mirrors, glanced over his shoulder, and executed a smooth, deliberate merge, all without cutting off a single semi-truck.
"It's completely performative," said Sarah Jenkins, who was actively texting, applying mascara, and steering with her knee. "Real drivers wait until they're halfway across three lanes, then flick the blinker on symbolically for half a second. That's called courtesy."
At publishing time, local police had pulled Harper and cited him for his aggressive and wanton displays of proper driving.
The Babylon Bee finally exposes everything about the Jews in this documentary of hard-hitting investigative journalism.
