By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-01-31 22:15:22 | Updated at 2025-02-01 00:52:00
2 hours ago
U.S. — Before settling in to spend a couple more hours writing another angry social media screed, users across the country were encouraged to consider a recent report that nobody would care about their 17-paragraph political rant on Facebook.
A new survey concluded that there was not a single soul who would be interested in reading any further political Facebook rants, finding that even the mothers of those writing and posting them would not care to read them.
"Save your time, effort, and brain power. Nobody cares," said one participant in the survey. "You're a member of one political party. You dislike everything the opposing political party does and says. You are outraged by something or other. We all get it. We don't need to read the extended version of your latest diatribe against the people you think are the problem with the country. Seriously, nobody cares. Save it."
Sources confirmed that continually posting long political rants on Facebook and other social media platforms was the worst use of a person's time. "Go sit outside. Absorb some sunshine," another survey respondent said. "The list of things people are more interested in than your political opinions is long and exhaustive. Even if someone somehow had the most momentary willingness to read what you're posting, they'd check out after the first paragraph. Paragraphs 2 through 17 are overkill at that point. Just don't."
At publishing time, an additional report also indicated that people were just as disinterested in seeing a picture of what you made for dinner last night.
Travis is back on his mission to interview everyone. Next on the list is celebrity chef and restaurateur Andrew Gruel.
