By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2024-11-08 21:05:25 | Updated at 2024-11-09 02:17:01
5 hours ago
MALIBU, CA — In an impassioned announcement made in protest of President-Elect Donald Trump's victory Tuesday night, celebrity Rosie O'Donnell vowed to continue her sex strike that has already reached 38 years.
O'Donnell made the vow in a video released on social media, promising to carry on her abstinence well past 40 years and into a fifth decade in an effort to show her outrage at Trump's re-election.
"I've been protesting Trump's presidency since the late 1980s," O'Donnell said during the video. "All of these liberal women are coming out now and saying they're going on sex strikes to protest Trump's election? Join the club, ladies. I've been the one driving this bus for decades. I'm the original woman who stopped sleeping with anyone because of my outrage toward Trump's fascism. Nobody has had less sex than me."
When one viewer commented that Trump only arrived on the political scene nine years ago, O'Donnell dismissed the relevance of such facts. "It doesn't matter that he only got elected in 2016," she said. "The point of this is that I haven't slept with anyone in 38 years, and as long as Donald Trump is president, that will not change. Probably even long after."
At publishing time, O'Donnell's close friends had confirmed the length of her strike and agreed that it was likely to drag on well past Trump's second term. "Oh, yeah, she's been at this a long time," one source said. "She's very committed to this. And everyone else in the world seems very committed to helping her continue the streak."
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