By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2024-11-21 22:45:16 | Updated at 2024-11-25 04:06:41
3 days ago
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Not only is it morning in America once again, but it's almost Thanksgiving morning in America. This year, Republicans have even more things to be thankful for. In the spirit of the upcoming holiday, The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list of things conservatives can be thankful for:
Living in a country where elections are free, fair, and completely secure: As long as your side wins. If the other side wins, then it was totally rigged and stolen.
All those hilarious videos on social media of liberals screaming and crying: Thank you, libs.
Crazy feminists are now easier to spot thanks to their shaved heads: No more guessing necessary.
The Democratic Party has been defeated forever: Or at least until 2026.
Bud Light has converted back to heterosexuality: It's good to have you back, Bud Light.
Liz Cheney lost badly: Again.
Ellen DeGeneres is now King Charles's problem: It wouldn't be an American holiday if you didn't stick it to the Brits.
The Dallas Cowboys are 3-7: The advancement of the gay agenda is halted once again.
Women are now officially back to being considered "property": We are so back.
Republicans in Washington are now finally united for a common goal — oh wait, they're fighting each other again: Oh, well. You can't win 'em all.
Four years of basking in victory starts now. What else should Republicans be thankful for? Let us know in the comments below.
NOT SATIRE: Kamala and Biden's Parting Gift: Executive Order 14067 Because They Think Your Wallet Needs a Chaperone!
It might sound like satire — but it's all too real. With Kamala and Biden on their way out, they're rushing to ram through Executive Order 14067 before their last day in office on January 20, 2025.
The result? A new digital dollar designed to replace cash and give Washington control over every cent you earn, save, and spend.
Think it's a simple update? Not by a long shot. This digital currency is all about power, giving them the ability to:
Legally snoop on how you spend every penny…
Commandeer your bank account like it's their own personal piggy bank…
Muzzle political opponents with the swipe of a keyboard...
The first phase, called FedNOW, launched on July 20, 2023, and it's already tracking payments. Every American and business is now a step closer to losing their financial freedom. But there's a way to shield yourself before it's too late.
Our Wealth Defense Guide reveals three powerful strategies to shield your money from their final grab for control. Don't wait until it's too late — grab your free Wealth Defense Guide NOW before they can push anything through in their last days of power!
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DOGE is here, and Elon and Vivek will eliminate millions of government positions
Here are the top 10 most useless positions that they'll target
