By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-01-24 20:05:21 | Updated at 2025-01-25 01:07:23
5 hours ago
U.S. — The Babylon Bee would like to publicly thank President Donald Trump for making good on his promise to get rid of all those DEI rules, allowing us to take immediate action and fire our only female writer.
We were sick of her not being funny but needed a good reason to get rid of her without having all those DEI employment people breathing down our necks. The office is going to go back to what it was intended to be in the first place: a gentleman's club full of fine cigars, strong beer, darts, a billiards table, and maybe we'll even get one of those armchairs that recline fully and has drink holders on both sides.
We were forced to hire a girl writer after the Biden administration mandated all places of businesses have at least one woman on staff. She wasn't even that funny; here are a few of her more recent headline pitches:
"Men Are Always Leaving The Toilet Seat Up" (that was the whole joke)
"Trump Gifts Melania That New Set Of Throw Pillows She's Been Eyeing For Mother's Day (Hint Hint Sweetie)"
"Wife Asks Sensible, Relevant, Not-At-All-Stupid Question During Movie"
"Man Asks For Epidural So He Doesn't Have To Say Encouraging Things While Wife Is In Labor" (Ok that one's sort of funny)
We're excited to go back to having only men on staff and have set up a rotating schedule for who has to take out the garbage, clean the bathrooms, and bring in freshly baked cookies every day as that was sort of the stuff the girl did when she was here. Meetings will now take 70% less time, we can turn the A/C up to normal temperatures, and we will be converting the women's restroom into a game room.
God bless you, President Trump.
Trump is cleaning house, and with Kash Patel as the presumptive head of the FBI, that department is no exception.
