By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2026-08-31 21:30:12 | Updated at 2026-08-31 22:22:05
53 minutes ago
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Concerns arose even within the White House that President Donald Trump may have taken his battle with Canada too far after he signed an executive order to rename hockey "Gay Ice Football."
President Trump, however, refused to back down.
"In addition to punishing tariffs, we're also renaming your dumb national sport to 'Gay Ice Football,'" explained Trump. "It's frankly embarrassing, what Canada did to football. They turned it into a bunch of fairies on skates slapping their sticks at each other, which is very homosexual to be honest with you. They're always trying to take each other's shirts off and wrestle, which is perfectly legal in the sport, mind you. But it is very strange and gay behavior."
Outraged Canadians quickly took to the streets to protest Trump's proclamation. "It's absurd. There's nothing remotely gay about hockey. Trump is being a bad little boy and should be put in the time-out box," said local man Albert Gagnon. "Then we can all stare at him through the clear glass, maybe slap our hands on the walls. If he was on the ice, I'd body him right up against those boards, I'll tell you that right now."
At publishing time, Trump had kicked things up another notch by announcing that all Tim Hortons restaurants in the U.S. would from henceforth be known as "Gay Dunkin'."
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