TRACEY COX shares the telling sign in your daily routine that reveals if your partner is a good sex match

Everyone has fabulous sex at the start, but how do you know if you'll be sexually compatible years from now? These five questions will reveal if you're in sync.

If you and your partner align on most of these points, take a bow: you've got a great sexual connection. Don't panic if you don't match on all – most differences can be balanced with good communication and a little compromise.

But if you're at opposite ends of the spectrum in almost all categories, I do suggest you question just how strong your sexual compatibility really is.

Do you kiss the same way?

'I lusted after this guy for over a year. All I could think about was kissing those lips. When we finally did, it was like someone slapped me in the face. It was awful! 

'I didn't like the feel or smell of him, and we were totally out of sync. I read that if your gene combination would be catastrophe, things like this happen.'

The woman who told me this is right - a kiss is more than just a kiss. Our saliva is like a biological fingerprint: it contains all the chemical messages your body needs for it to determine if you're both a good genetic match. 

If you're not, it will let you know – and a kiss that's sort of 'off' is one signal it will send.

Few people take things further if the kissing isn't good. Why would you? It's a sneak preview of what's to come.

If you're all about soft, slow nibbles and he's more like a vacuum on turbo mode, you're already in trouble.

Good sex starts with good kissing – it shows you're both able to adapt to each other's natural style. If your kisses naturally fall into an effortless rhythm, it's a big green flag the sex will last.

The person who uses a variety of kissing techniques and explores all of your mouth gets an extra gold star: it augurs well for when he's exploring the rest of your body.

Are you morning or night people?

'My ex convinced me I had a low sex drive because I never wanted it first thing in the morning. Now I'm with someone who likes staying up late like I do, I'm finding I want sex more and more. It wasn't that I didn't want sex, I just didn't want it when he demanded it.'

Mismatched libidos – both of you wanting sex more or less than the other – is often not a desire mismatch at all. It's a morning person matched with an evening person.

Most people want sex when they feel rested and energetic. If that state occurs at wildly different times of the day for each of you, you're in trouble.

Quite frankly, if one of you wakes up at 6am, raring to go, and the other emerges from under the bedsheets at ten and needs three coffees before they can speak, great sex isn't the only thing that's going to evade you.

Compatibility doesn't just mean shared backgrounds, common goals and the same cultural reference points. It also means matching chronotypes – whether you function best at morning or night.

Do you crave the same level of adventure?

'Left to his own devices, my ex would do the same thing every day, in the same order and never be bored. He was 26 but even wanted to go to the same place on holidays every year. 

'This played out in bed as well: any request for something new sent him into a complete panic. He was sweet but come on! Give me a man who likes variety.'

Are you both spontaneous 'let's have sex on the kitchen counter' types? Or does one prefer the comfort of a bed while the other has a bucket list of risqué locations?

If your appetite for adventure is completely mismatched, frustration is inevitable. You don't have to be identical bookends but if one of you is 'let's try everything' and the other is strictly 'lights off and missionary', you'll struggle.

How's your sense of humour?

'It was our first time of having intercourse and I guess I was pretty turned on because our bodies made this weird squelchy noise every time he thrust. 

'We ignored it to start but when it didn't stop, we both collapsed laughing. There was no "Oh God, our first time is meant to be amazing". Instead, we thought it was hilarious and we are still laughing and having great sex eight years in.'

Sex is awkward. Bodies do make weird noises. Sometimes things don't go to plan. If you can both laugh when something funny happens – you can't get your knickers off or he loses his erection at a crucial time – you'll sail through sexually.

Talking about sex is important (more on that next) but having a sense of humour in bed is possibly even more so. Someone who takes everything seriously and reacts with embarrassment rather than a smile does not make for an easy sexual partner.

Can you talk about sex without it feeling weird?

'For someone who loved sex so much, he was strangely put off by any mention of it outside the bedroom. He didn't even like watching it in a movie. 

'I never got to the bottom of why because he shut down every attempt I made at trying to determine why he was so uptight. It wasn't healthy and it was one reason why we split.'

You'd be surprised at the number of people I meet who love sex but struggle to talk about it. 

While enthusiasm and a high sex drive certainly helps to keep sex going long-term, not being comfortable talking about sex can still scupper things. All sex problems can be solved by talking openly; the smallest hiccup can derail you if you can't discuss it.

And I don't just mean saying, 'Wow babe, that was fantastic'. Everyone's good at talking about sex when it's going well. 

I mean being able to say, 'Hey, you know when you tried doing X? It was good trying something new, but it didn't really do it for me. Can we go back to doing it the other way?'. It means being able to watch sexy scenes onscreen without squirming with embarrassment – and talking about them afterwards.

It's easy to tell if someone's secretly awkward about talking about sex: just mention it in everyday conversation and see how they act. 

Say, 'I was just reading an interesting piece about how this generation aren't having sex as much. Why do you think that is?'. Do they happily launch into their analysis or mumble 'I don't know' and disappear?

You'll find Tracey's product ranges at lovehoney.co.uk. Visit traceycox.com for info on her blog, podcast and books.