By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-03-14 18:05:25 | Updated at 2025-03-14 20:57:15
2 hours ago
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following on the heels of his creation of a strategic national reserve of cryptocurrency, President Donald Trump revealed his intention to start another strategic national reserve of JD Vance memes.
According to Trump, the memes of the vice president that flooded American social media marked an important era in the nation's history that must be stockpiled and used strategically. Each meme was to be carefully printed off as a glossy photo, hand-signed by Vance himself, and then laminated and locked away for preservation.
"I've always said, memes can be so hard to find again once you scroll past them," Trump told reporters, holding up the newly signed executive order creating the reserve. "If we don't start this now, believe me, everyone will be wishing they had saved their funny pictures of JD. We love JD, don't we, folks? Our new strategic reserve is going to be the first — and greatest — strategic reserve of JD Vance memes. China won't won't be able to touch us."
Sources within the White House said that the vice president had volunteered to lead the creation of the meme reserve himself, leaving Americans thrilled to know that such photoshops as JD Vance as Adam in the Garden of Eden would be stockpiled for safekeeping.
"It's an important part of our country's future," Vance said in a statement. "And our gift to the world."
At publishing time, President Trump had also announced that all copies of the Declaration of Independence would be amended to include the full text of his book Trump: The Art of the Deal.
Under a new presidential order, posting in support of Ukraine will automatically draft you into the military.
