By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2024-11-14 18:00:32 | Updated at 2024-11-22 04:51:35
1 week ago
SPRINGFIELD, IL — Despite extensive investigation, experts disclosed they were unable to determine if the angry-looking bald person you saw today was a neo-nazi or simply a progressive feminist woman.
While sources said the individual you saw in the produce section of the grocery store was, indeed, bald and appeared to be angry, there was simply not enough evidence to positively identify them as either an actual neo-nazi or a left-wing Democrat angry about Trump.
"He/she/they are an anomaly at this point," said research scientist Willard Brumlow. "While we have been able to ascertain that this person is enraged at society at large and has a shaved head, we have as of yet been unable to conclusively find out whether they are a skinhead or just a run-of-the-mill liberal female. Further investigation is warranted, but quite frankly, we're hesitant to get any close to them… her… it."
Analysts advised anyone in the vicinity of the angry-looking bald person to take proper precautions and avoid making eye contact or engaging the individual in conversation. "Whether it's a neo-nazi or a liberal woman, your course of action should be the same," Brumlow said. "Cross over to the other side of the street, keep your eye on them, and whatever you do, don't under any circumstances, let the person know you are a Donald Trump supporter. Or Jewish. Don't let them know you're Jewish. Just to be safe."
At publishing time, scientists had overheard the bald person going on an antisemitic rant that left them no closer to determining if it was a neo-nazi or a Leftist woman.
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