By The Babylon Bee | Created at 2025-03-03 19:45:17 | Updated at 2025-03-04 00:17:22
4 hours ago
VALHALLA — Mighty viking warriors looked down from their eternal resting place with embarrassment as their progeny floundered with basic issues like immigration, national security, and being total pansies.
"Look at these total sissy boys!" a name known in life as ‘Vlad the Vivisector' commented from his perch in the great halls of Valhalla. "These are my flesh and blood??? They have no armies, they have no weapons, and that man over there is wearing women's clothing! What has become of my once great people?"
Other Vikings lamented with equal chagrin over seeing what their European descendants had become.
"I once fought off a hundred men while DRUNK and riding a wild Elk with my bare hands!" Ivil the Horrible told his other Viking friends. "My wife Helga gave birth to twins while flying on the back of an eagle while vanquishing forty foes with an axe and then later that day killed the Eagle and cooked it up in a dinner for all us warriors. What is happening down there?!"
Many Vikings expressed similar dismay at seeing the number of conquerors and hostile Islamic foreigners their progeny had allowed to come into their territories with little to no resistance. "And without any sort of resistance or a war or anything!"
At publishing time, the Vikings had to look away in absolute dismay as their descendants downloaded some sort of "application" from Oriental spies and willingly gave it all their personal information.
An elite force from DOGE uncovers the most absurd waste of taxpayer dollars.
